Behind the Mask A Michael Jackson fanfic
by enchantress17
Summary: Michael, 30, and Alissa, 21, are two people seeking love and acceptance and searching for the person behind the mask...will they find what they are looking for? **This story continues at enchantingstories . com**
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Once In a Lifetime Opportunity...This Is It**

I never cared for large crowds of people, especially strangers. I am a rather quiet person who likes to keep to myself and who feels that personal space is something that more people should be mindful of. Too many people, it seems, have no concept of personal space and I've never been able to understand why. For example, you are in the checkout line at a store and the person behind you feels the need to stand so close to you that you can feel their breath on the back of your neck. What is the need for that? Are they that afraid that someone may cut them in line if they are standing farther than an arms length behind you? Due to the lack of respect that people have for those around them I try to avoid situations where there are clusters of strangers. I don't go to many parties either because, though I may know many people there, I know that I won't know everyone and I will undoubtedly feel uncomfortable with too many strangers near me. Of course, being shy doesn't help. I tend to be more of an observer in life. When I have been dragged to a party or an event one can usually find me in a quiet corner just watching people and taking everything in. I analyze people's actions and though I have never formally studied psychology, I feel that I have gathered a significant amount of knowledge in the area just from really studying people.

Given my...fear of crowds, I guess you could say, it is strange that today I find myself in a crowd of 18,000 screaming people. Today, January 17, 1989, is my 21st birthday. My best friends Jessica and Karina have spent months planning a birthday that they hoped I would never forget. I knew they were planning something huge, but I had no idea it would be something like this.

Both Jessica and Karina are singers. Although neither of them have their own record deals, their voices along with their beauty have landed them many gigs as backup singers with some of the top people in the business. When the three of us were growing up we used to have our own little girls group. I would write the songs and choreograph the dance steps that we would perform at various talent shows. People really seemed to enjoy our performances and would tell us that we had a great shot at making it one day. Though my girls reveled in the thought of that, I did not. Though I enjoyed writing, singing and dancing I was too afraid of fame. With fame comes crowds of people, fans and paparazzi. It's just not something that was for me. I eventually stopped performing with my best friends, much to their dismay. They still have not given up on it either. Always, they are telling me that I should pursue a career as a performer.

"Alissa, you have the gift girl. You could really make it." Jess always says. Karina would then chime in with, "God has blessed you with talent, that we, along with so many others, could only dream of. I am sure that He would not want that talent to lie dormant, hiding from the world." They made valid points, but the idea of fame is just not something I can wrap my head around. I just don't have the personality to deal with it all. I am very supportive of the two of them pursuing their dreams, however, and I am amazed at how far they both have come.

Given who they have come to know since their careers began they were able to plan for me this amazing birthday celebration. But getting to the place that I now stand was not very easy for me to do.

Last night, I was relaxing on the sofa in my Encino apartment after a very long day at work. I was watching Sleeping Beauty. I know it's silly for a woman to spend the eve of her 21st birthday watching cartoons but I love them. I love to just leave my troubles behind and get lost in a fantasy world for awhile. I was singing along to my favorite part of the movie, where Aurora (Briar Rose) first meets her prince, "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam..." when there was a knock at my door. I turned off the TV and waltzed over to the door singing where the movie left off, "And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem, but if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once the way you did once upon a dream." I opened the door to find two very excited faces looking back at me.

"Girrrrl," Jess dragged out, "you are going to love us so much!" Karina chuckled, "Yeah, umm, maybe you should sit down."

"Alright" I smiled brightly as I walked back over to the sofa. I had a hunch that this was going to be about my birthday and I couldn't wait to hear what they had planned.

The two girls sat on the love seat adjacent to the sofa looking at each other trying to decide who should be the one to tell me. I was reeling with anticipation and they were taking way too long for me. "Come on girls, out with it, tell me what it is that I am going to love you so much for."

"OK, OK." Karina began, "Well, as you know, you only turn the big 21 once, and we really wanted to make this birthday special for you. We wanted to make this birthday a celebration that you would never forget. So we both sat down to think about what we could do to achieve that. I mean yeah, we could have planned a weekend getaway to Las Vegas, like so many do when they reach this age, but that just wasn't special enough. Then a few months ago, we learned that a certain someone, that you love, was going to be in L.A. on your birthday. So we started to put a plan into motion." Right then I had a very good idea of who they were talking about but didn't let on that I did. Music was always such a big part of my life and I enjoyed listening to it as much as I enjoyed creating it. Though I truly had an appreciation for all music, there was always one person who stood out to me more than any other artist or band. There was something about the way his music moved me. Each time I listened to him I could feel the electricity pulsating through me. No other artist's work has ever had the effect on me that his music does. Watching him dance was an experience in itself as well. When he sings, it is with the voice of angels. When his feet move, you can see God dancing.

I looked over at Jess who was practically bouncing up and down in her seat with excitement. She looked like she was going to explode. "We're going to see Michael Jackson!" Jess bursted out. "You are going to meet him! We got backstage passes to meet him before we sit, or really stand, front row center to watch him perform!" Karina beamed. Their excitement soon faded when they noticed that I wasn't saying or doing anything. "Are you OK?" Karina asked. I was frozen. I was in shock. I was also horrified.

I didn't want to upset Jess and Karina, I could only imagine what it took them to get tickets to the sold out show let alone front row center and backstage passes, but I didn't know how in the world I was going to be able to handle it. All those people crowded around me, pushing into me, jumping on me. The air would be a concoction of the hot breath and the aroma that emits off of thousands of people. I can hardly handle a group of 20 strangers in a room, how was I ever going to be able to deal with this? As if that wasn't enough to worry about I was going to meet him. Would I get a chance to talk to him? What would I say if I did? The man is a genius, the greatest entertainer of all time.

"Hello, earth to Alissa." The sound of Jess's voice broke my thoughts. "Ali, what's wrong? Why do you not seem excited?" Karina asked.

I didn't know if I would be able to do this, to put aside all of the fears running through my mind but I knew I couldn't let Jess and Karina down. After what they did for me, I could never tell them how I felt. Well, at least not completely. "I am...I'm...um...I'm excited. Very much so actually. I"m just in shock. I can't believe that you guys did this. Wow. You guys are just so amazing." I said sincerely.

"See Karina, I told you that she would love it." Jess stated pleased that she was right. Karina had a concerned look in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking. She was always very sensitive to my feelings, sometimes I wondered if she could read my mind. I knew she would want answers but I didn't want to tell her everything. Though I knew she would be understanding, it would also hurt her and Jess if they knew how I felt about going. I decided to only tell half the truth.

"I'm just so nervous." I chuckled. "I cannot believe I'm going to meet him. What am I going to wear? What am I going to say? Oh God, please don't let me make and idiot out of myself." They both laughed at this. "Ali, there is no reason for you to be so nervous. I mean, yeah he's like your idol and everything but come on, he's only human, like the rest of us. He still puts his pants on one leg at a time, ya know?" Jess said very matter of factly. Jess was always the crass one of the group. She was the tough girl. In all the years I've known her I never once saw her cry. She has always been the loud, fun-loving, tell you like it is kind of girl. Karina, however, was the emotional one. She had a huge heart and wore it on her sleave. She was always concerned with the feelings of those around her. She was affectionate, warm, and sensitive. I would say that my personality resembles Karina more so than Jess. I am similar to her but I am an analytical person. I pay attention to detail, I'm a perfectionist and tend to think and re-think everything way too much. I tend to keep to myself, aside from my two best friends of course, I'm very shy when meeting new people. I am very sensitive too and ultimately I seek acceptance from people. I want to be loved and give my love in return.

"Ali, we know that you are nervous about this whole thing but we will be right there with you every step of the way. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and we are happy that we will be there to share it with you. You know that everything that happens in life is for a reason. For whatever reason, you are meant to meet Michael Jackson and who knows the event could even change your life." Karina said in a sincere, soft spoken voice.

I knew that they both were right. As always, they made valid points. We continued to talk about what tomorrow would bring for a while longer before deciding to call it a night. When I went to walk them out Karina stopped me, "Are you sure that you are OK? I mean, I know how you feel about crowds of strangers and I know you are shy when meeting new people. Jess thought that this would be an exception and that you would be OK, but I had my doubts." Boy did she hit the nail on the head. She was the only person who could read me like a book. It was kind of scary actually. I decided to not confide in her about my feelings even though she seemed so concerned and understanding. I really did not want to hurt her feelings. "No, I'm fine, really. I was just shocked is all. I still kinda am. Thank you both so much for this. I'm sure I will never forget it." Karina gave me a thoughtful look, searching for answers in my eyes. I don't know what she saw there but she let it go.

After they left I laid in bed going over the things that they said. I am a firm believer that there are no accidents in life, that everything happens for a reason. So, there must be a reason for me having this opportunity. The opportunity to meet the man that I most admired. Then I thought that perhaps Jess and Karina were hoping that he would change my mind about becoming a performer myself. From the interviews I've seen and things I've read about Michael Jackson I would say that quite the contrary would happen. I'm sure that he loves his work, and enjoys the creation process just as I do but, from what I've seen fame is something that he's just as afraid of as I am. I know that he loves his fans but he's afraid of them as well. Being surrounded by a mob of hormone crazed teenage girls can be very dangerous to one's health. Then, of course, there's the paparazzi stalking him and watching every move that he makes. Then to sell their papers they embellish everything that he does and turn it into something negative. I've heard a lot of the rumors that have been spread about him but I refuse to believe any of it. I mean these stories of him are sharing cover space with the alien from mars with 6 heads that married a human and had 10 funny looking babies. I mean good Lord, it's ridiculous that anyone falls for any of that crap. All it shows me is that the media will go to great lengths to destroy a person. I believe that it most likely stems from jealousy. Whoever is at the top they want to bring down and there is no question that right now, Michael Jackson is at the top. It is for reasons like this that I do not wish to pursue a career in that business. It would crush me, as I am sure it does the same to him.

Then it dawned on me, him and I seemed to have a lot in common. We were both shy, sensitive people, looking for love and acceptance from the world. Jessica was right, he is only human. He has a heart and things hurt him just as they do anyone else. He has dreams and fears just like I do. Despite how untouchable and god-like he may seem to so many suddenly I realized that he is just a man named Michael. A man who excels at what he does, a man devoted to his craft, but also a man who has been hurt by so many. Although I was still a bit nervous about meeting him I did feel a little bit better. As for the crowd of people I would be dealing with tomorrow, well I guess it's a small price to pay to see him perform live just a few feet away from me. The energy I feel just from a recording, I thought, was amazing in itself. I laid there thinking about what I would feel to be there, in person, as I drifted off to sleep and into pleasant dreams.

...

Michael's POV

It's about four hours until show time and I am sitting backstage, in a dressing room, at the Memorial Sports Arena. Normally, I would arrive about an hour before as it's the second performance in L.A. so everything is set up and ready to go. In the past when we would do multiple shows in one location I get into costume, hair, and make-up at the hotel so when I arrive to whichever arena we are performing at I need only meet with the crew briefly to make sure we are all set, have the entire group meeting and prayer, and then do a final touch up on my hair and make-up, if necessary. Today though, is special. My manager, Frank, has set up a meeting with three fans prior to tonight's show. He told me that two of the women are singers who have performed with some well-known artists and that they are surprising their best friend for her 21st birthday with the show and this meeting with me. I was reluctant, very reluctant, to do this. I adore my fans, really I do. The fans are what give me energy, I need them like I need oxygen to breath. They are a source of great strength for me. So why would I be leery of meeting fans face to face and sitting down for a conversation? Well, to be honest, I am very shy. I don't like to talk very much, especially to people I don't know. I get embarrassed very easily and I'm always worried that I will say something wrong, or do something that makes me look stupid. I don't like to make mistakes, anything less than perfection is not acceptable. So when something goes wrong I really am hard on myself. I try, when meeting people, to come across as confident as I can. I suppose it's a defense mechanism, I really don't want people to see how terrified I am. People make me nervous yet it seems that when I am in a room I am the center of attention though I would much rather be the guy in the corner looking on.

Frank was able to talk me into doing this meeting though. He explained that the best way to fight back against the medias outrageous lies about me was to show as many people as I can just how normal of a guy I really am. I agreed that he was right and so agreed to go through with what he set up. Of course, I can't let my guard down though. I've learned that I really cannot trust anyone because people will sell you out in a minute if it will gain them something. So I will put on an act, show them that although I am quiet and polite I am confident and strong. It is important to make a good impression and I hope I can do it. The meeting is to only be for one hour. I can handle one hour.

...

Alissa's POV

I woke up feeling refreshed as the morning sun shown through the French doors of my bedroom. Today is my birthday, I am now 21. As I walked to the bathroom to take a shower I had a strange feeling about today. Today was the day that I was going to meet Michael Jackson and somehow I knew that the events of today were going to change my life. For better or for worse I knew things were going to be different, I just wasn't sure how.

Shortly after getting dressed there was a knock at my door. I flung open the door to hear, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" from two very excited and very beautiful women. "Aww, thanks you guys" I replied, trying my best to match their excitement. "Wow, you look amazing Ali" Karina said. "Yeah you really do" Jess added as she motioned for me to do the spin around. I blushed and thanked them and returned the compliment to them both. They took me out for a late breakfast at our favorite little bistro and then we did a little shopping before our very big plans.

It was 3:30 p.m. when we arrived at the Memorial Sports Arena. We were early but we wanted to make sure that we had enough time to get here in case of traffic. The three of us sat in the car waiting until it was time to go in. As the minutes ticked by my nervousness began to grow. Despite my realizations the night before, the man I was about to meet was still Michael Jackson. The man who dazzled the entire world with his music, his dancing, his sheer presence. I had no idea what to expect in this meet and greet. I've always wondered what he is really like behind closed doors. I've learned from Jess and Karina that many celebrities are really quite different from how they seem to the public. Jess told me one time about a certain singer, who I will not name, that everyone adored but when she worked with her she found her to be arrogant, bossy, and just outright rude. I then wondered if Michael would be different than how his fans perceive him. He always seemed to me to be a kind, generous, loving person, but what if he wasn't really? What if he was quite the opposite? What if he was arrogant or rude?

As I've said before, I have a vast knowledge in psychology. If I just spend some time with people I can usually read them fairly well. I can see through people too. I can see past whatever mask they may wear and see who they are deep down in their soul. I find that some people are easier to read than others but if I spend enough time with anyone I can figure them out. I was only going to have an hour with Michael. I hoped that an hour would be enough to see the man that very few ever get to see.

"Ali," the sound of Jess calling my name interrupted my thoughts, "are you ready?" I looked at the clock it was almost 4:00 p.m. "I...I...uh yeah. I'm ready."

"Don't be nervous, OK? Everything is going to be great. I promise" Karina said to me with a smile. Her voice was soothing and seemed to ease my mind, if only for a few moments.

We walked to the backstage door and we were greeted by Michael's manager Frank DiLeo. He was a very large, very intimidating man but when he spoke he seemed to be very kind.

"Good afternoon ladies." Frank said with a slight smile. "You must be the birthday girl. Happy birthday."

"Yes I am, thank you. I'm Alissa, it's nice to meet you." I said as I reached my hand out to shake his. "Pleasure's all mine" Frank replied as he shook my hand firmly. A handshake could say a lot about a person. A strong-hold and firm shake meant that the person was confident, strong-willed, and a leader. Someone with a soft, gentle hold was more sensitive, gentle, and quiet.

"Right this way ladies. You will be meeting with Mike in one of the back-up singers dressing rooms." He let out a slight chuckle and quickly covered his mouth to try to hide his amusement. I wondered what was humorous about that. He cleared his throat and continued, "You will have one hour with him uninterrupted. You can ask him anything that you want, he has agreed that he will answer all questions that you have. However, if they are too personal then he has the right to decline, got it?" Frank had a slight hint of warning in his voice during the last part. This may have scared some people a little but I saw through him already. He was just being protective of Michael.

We finally reached the door to the dressing room and Frank gave a hard knock at the door. I faintly heard a quiet voice respond, "Come in." Frank turned the door knob and my heart nearly stopped. This is it...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - The First Hello**

I wiped my moist palms on my pants as the door knob slowly turned. Yes, I was nervous. I could perform on stage in front of tens of thousands of screaming people, but this, this right here, scared the life out of me. I was going to be sitting in a small and quiet room with just a few people to entertain. No, I didn't have to entertain them with singing or dancing, but I had to entertain them with conversation. Gosh, even if I had to sing or dance for them I would be so embarrassed. I've always found it difficult to perform in front of a small private audience; it makes me uncomfortable. Even in a recording studio often times I have all the lights out so that I can just be one with the music and not have to concern myself with the people on the other side of the glass watching me so intently. On stage, however, is very different. I feel most comfortable on a stage. I feel the encouragement from my fans and I channel their energy into what you see. I completely lose myself and fall victim to the music. It's funny to me to watch a tape of a performance after the show as I don't really remember it all. I'll think to myself, "Gosh, I did that?" It's almost like I am removed from my body and the music just takes over.

So why is it, that the thought of a private performance for just a few has me wanting to cower into a corner? No one can ever seem to understand it. I think that it most likely stems from my childhood. One's childhood really does shape the adult a person will become. As a child I recall rehearsing for long hours in front of one man, my father. Joseph was very strict and worked my brothers and I hard. If we didn't do it right we were going to get it. Growing up that was the only time we would sing and dance in a private setting. In the back of our minds there was nothing but fear, but on stage, even back then, it was different. We were applauded, people enjoyed watching us, we felt that positive energy flowing through us. So today I guess performing privately brings that fear back into my mind.

I took a deep breath as the door swung open. Frank walked in followed by two young women. Though they were pretty they both wore too much make-up for my liking. I liked a woman who let her natural beauty shine through. Women are gorgeous creatures and I feel they hide it when wearing an excessive amount of make-up.

"Hi, my name is Jessica Davis" the woman with short blonde hair spoke first as she reached out her hand to me. I looked into her crystal blue eyes and gave her a warm smile as I shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you" I smiled making note of her very firm grip on me. Once I read a book on Psychology that specifically mentioned the many things you can tell about a person just from simple actions, like a handshake. This girl meant business, I could tell. I then looked over to the other woman standing before me. She had black hair that fell beneath her shoulders and though her eyes were dark the kindness that shown through them seemed to light up the room. I reached out my hand to her and she grasped it lightly, "Hi, I'm Karina Hunt" she spoke softly with a smile. I returned the smile, "It's nice to meet you as well."

I then noticed the figure of a woman standing in the shadows of the dimly lit hallway. "You'll have to excuse her she's extremely shy" Jessica stated with an almost annoyed tone to her voice. She reached out into the hall grabbing her friend by the arm and dragging her into the room. As she stepped into the light the energy that filled the room suddenly changed. I was taken aback by the beauty before me. She was much shorter than her friends and wore a black v-neck long sleeve shirt and a simple pair of jeans yet she was stunning. She had light brown curls that cascaded down over one shoulder and she possessed the most beautiful pair of eyes I have ever seen. They were a sea-foam green color which would have been more than enough to get my attention but there was a glow about them that kept my eyes held to hers. She had an undeniable natural beauty that took my breath away. I steadied my thoughts so that I could speak. I would not allow myself to get too lost in her beauty. I had to maintain control and exude confidence despite the warmth that surged through my body as a result of her presence.

...

Alissa's POV

I blushed as Jess yanked me into the room and so hid my face for a moment while awaiting the blood to leave my face. When I looked up I noticed him staring at me. My heart quickened even more. Michael Jackson was staring at me! He was wearing an outfit fit for a man of music royalty. He wore tight black pants full of buckles and a black jacket that donned the same as well as zippers and medallions. Underneath was a shiny silver shirt that I had recognized from some of the photos I had seen of his tour. He was all ready for his show. His black hair was partly tied back with just a few curls hanging down over his face. He looked at me with large almond-shaped brown eyes and a smile stretched across his face revealing a set of sparkling white teeth. Those eyes, that smile, they were captivating. I've seen a thousand pictures of him but nothing compared to the vision before me. He was quite simply gorgeous. He stood very tall and confident, which was not something I really expected given how shy he supposedly was. Perhaps that innocence he always portrayed really was just an act. Given his success, his attire, and the ridiculously large entourage that followed him everywhere I began to think that he probably was arrogant. I'm sure he thought very highly of himself and was most likely nothing more than a spoiled brat in reality. Yet as I looked at him there was something magical about his eyes, they seemed to grab at me and pull me in. I have never felt anything like it before.

"You must be the birthday girl, I presume?" his soft voice echoed through me as he extended his hand. "Alissa Valetta" I finally spoke as I fit my hand into his I felt a tingling sensation coarse through my body and I wondered if he felt the same as his eyes grew slightly larger at my touch. His skin was soft as silk and his hold on my hand was gentle. It wasn't at all what I was expecting given his strong stature. Perhaps though, this was just another part of his act. Time would tell. "It's such a pleasure...umm...an honor to meet you Mr. Jackson." He giggled and covered his mouth with his left hand as his right hand was still grasping mine, "Please call me Michael" he then stood taller and looked into my eyes and said with a more serious tone, "And the pleasure is definitely all mine." We stood there for what seemed to be an eternity studying each other. At that moment, through our eyes, our minds were connected searching for the deeply hidden soul in each of us and our bodies were still connected through the hands that seemed unable to let go.

...

Michael's POV

"It is really nice of you to be taking the time to meet us, thank you" the sound of Karina's voice snapped me out of my trance. I immediately released Alissa's hand placing both my arms behind me and turned to face Karina as my body went rigid. I wondered how long Alissa and I were standing there glued to each other. There is something about her that already has me intrigued and she has barely spoke. That electric pull that I feel towards her makes me very nervous and I know that I must be more cautious. I must remember that not everyone is what they seem to be, especially around me.

"Oh, you're very welcome. It's nothing really though, I enjoy having the opportunity to interact with fans" I lied, slightly. "So Frank tells me that you are both singers, is that right?" I asked of Jessica and Karina, giving them my complete attention and trying hard not to glance over at Alissa, whose eyes I could still feel on me. "Yes, we are" Jessica answered. "Alissa sings as well." Karina added, "She has an amazing voice." "Oh. Is that so?" My plan for having a conversation that would distract me from Alissa did not go as I hoped. I did want to talk to her, to hear her voice, to look at her but I needed to keep my distance. I didn't want that initial fascination to grow in to something more. It frightened me and I knew I would need to work extra hard to fight it off. I looked over at Alissa waiting for her response. "Well, I'm not really a "singer", I don't do it professionally like my friends, but I do enjoy it." "You should though, your voice is...well as much as I hate to admit it, your voice if far better than ours and with your writing and dancing abilities you would be unstoppable." Jessica's words made Alissa's cheeks crimson as she lowered her head and looked away. She was embarrassed and I couldn't help but think how adorable it was. I was extremely interested now to learn more about her talents and why she hadn't chose to use them in life. I didn't want strong desire to learn all about her to be obvious so I would try to keep my voice neutral and carefully choose my words throughout this conversation with her. I didn't want anyone to pick up on what I was feeling inside and honestly, I didn't want to completely admit it myself.

"Please come sit down, make yourselves comfortable" I gestured to the two sofas in the dressing room. "Thank you" the three of them replied. I turned to Alissa, who now sat across from me, "So you write songs as well?" I asked her. "Well, not anymore. I mean I haven't written anything new in quite awhile. I used to write songs when I was younger but that is not the path that I chose to take." "When we were younger the three of us were a group. Alissa would write the songs and choreograph dance steps that we would perform at local talent shows and school events. She was the lead singer and everyone would tell her that she could really make it" Karina explained. I wondered why, if she had as much talent as her friends made it seem, she would do anything unrelated to that talent. I know of so many people that would do whatever it took to make it in the music business, people that wanted it so badly. Yet here before me was a woman who had natural God-given talent and great looks and yet seemed to want nothing to do with it. My curiosity was growing as I began to realize more and more that Alissa was not the typical "L.A. woman."

...

Alissa's POV

"If you don't mind me asking, why is it that you have chosen not to pursue a career as a performer if you have that kind of talent?" Michael sat tall and straight and his voice was slightly passive as he asked his question, but his eyes deceived him and gave away more to me than he clearly intended to. "Honestly, as much as I loved performing growing up the thought of "making it" just scared me way too much." "Oh, and why is that?" he pushed further. Man, I was going to kill Jess and Karina for bringing this up. I knew they had a hidden agenda. Now that the subject was out there in the open there was no escaping it so I proceeded to confide in him all my fears about potentially having celebrity status. His eyes were incredibly empathetic as I explained my thoughts to him. If anyone could understand the way I felt it would be him as his life epitomized that which I feared. He sat quietly thinking when I was done speaking and I patiently awaited his response. I knew that Jess and Karina were hoping he would try to convince me to overcome my fears but I hoped that he would tell me how right I was to run as far as I could from that life.

"Well," he began,"I do understand why you feel that way, believe me, I do. Your life is no longer your own when you're a celebrity. Everyone watches you closely and wants to sell a story, often embellished, about every move you make. They want to know everything about you, if you buy a book at a book store they want to know what book it is and why you are reading it. All the little details of your life that shouldn't matter suddenly do. It's hard to live your life under a microscope like that, you know?" I was happy with the way this was going. I looked over at Jess and Karina and watched as that last glimmer of hope was beginning to fade from their eyes but Michael wasn't finished yet.

"In spite of all that though, I love what I do and I wouldn't change it." Umm, what? I didn't quite see that coming and wasn't sure how to respond. What could he possibly love about the life he just spoke about? As if he heard the questions in my mind he continued, "You see, although the paparazzi can indeed be outright cruel at times the love that I feel from the fans more than makes up for it. All I have ever wanted, since I was a young boy, was to be loved. When I am on stage performing I know that I am loved. I look out into the crowd and they are wearing the outfits, they know the dance steps and they sing along to every word. It's true, you know, that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It touches me so deep when I watch them and can see what they feel and even feel what they feel. It is unbelievably rewarding to know that my music brought these wonderful feelings out in them. Through the success that I have had I have had the opportunity to help so many people around the world. I truly want to help everyone, especially children. Children are so innocent and they are our future, so we need to do what we can to take care of them. It is my firm belief that we can repair that which we've broken. Love has the power to heal and through music I can spread that message. That is what makes all of this worth it" he finished as he gestured around the room.

I was speechless. He was completely selfless. It hit me then that money and power did not mean to him what it meant to many out there. To him it was a tool that aided him in helping to save our planet and the pain he occasionally suffered at the hands of the media was a small price to pay if he could make a difference. As he spoke his eyes gave away how genuine he was, he truly was speaking from the heart. He had great strength to endure the circus that surrounded him and I not only admired him for it but I envied him. I felt the same way that he did about the state of the world and felt that we should all do what we could to help. I just didn't know if I had the strength that he did to help in that way, but I did help in other ways. "I agree with you that children are our future and we must do what is necessary to protect them. I can't tell you the pain I feel in my heart when I see children suffering. I want to help ease that pain in any way that I can. That's why I have the job that I have." "What do you do?" Michael asked as I watched his body relax, only slightly, but still very noticeable to me after seeing the very solid, resistant position he held since the moment we walked through the door. "I work at Children's Hospital Los Angeles." "Oh so you're a doctor or a nurse?" he interrupted. "No, neither actually. I am a Licensed Massage Therapist in California and I work with children who are ill. Massage can actually play a significant role in the healing process. Seriously ill children are often hospitalized for extended periods of time and must endure testing and procedures that can be unpleasant and frightening to a young child. Touch is a basic human need and massage therapy can immediately provide comfort and reassurance to a child, reducing anxiety and providing emotional support. It also aids in pain reduction by stimulating the release of endorphins. There really are a number of benefits to massage therapy for the healthy and the ill."

"Gosh, that's a lot of information, I never knew that something like a massage could help so much." Michael said as his body relaxed even further and he leaned forward resting his arms on his knees. He seemed really interested in what I was saying which actually did surprise me, although I guess it really shouldn't have. After all he loved children and I'm sure enjoyed any conversation that involved helping them. "I'm sorry I realize that was more information than you asked for but yes it really can help more than most people realize." "Oh no need to apologize, it's very obvious that you are passionate about it. Please, continue, I would love to learn more." His voice had a slight eagerness to it. I recently read that he had an appetite for learning about many different things, this clearly was no exception so I continued. "Well, massage is also beneficial to the immune system's function. It improves lymphatic drainage, which promotes removal of toxins from the body. This supports the healing process and can help to strengthen a child's immune response. Treatments for serious illnesses, such as cancer, can cause a severe loss of appetite, which results in weight loss and weakness. Massage, however, stimulates circulation, which allows for improved nourishment of tissues, as well as stimulating nerves that encourage food absorption, resulting in weight gain. A child that is confined to a bed for weeks at a time can suffer from muscle atrophy but massage actually improves muscle tone and coordination, helping to retain strength and agility. Massage also encourages neurological and motor development, which can help stimulate a child's cognitive and creative skills in the midst of a monotonous hospital setting."

"That's incredible. It must be so rewarding for you to help children in that way." "It is, very much so. It truly warms my heart to know that I am helping to make a difference for them." "I know what you mean. Every country that we are performing in I always make sure to visit hospitals and orphanages. I spend time with the children and bring them new toys to play with. They are always so happy and grateful for everything. I know that the love I show them helps make a difference." Michael's face was lit up as he spoke of his visits with children but then the smile faded and he sighed, "Of course you never read about THAT in the papers. Positive news doesn't sell as well as garbage does. It's so sad that the world is that way, you know? I don't do it for recognition though, I do it because that is what's in my heart to do. I even donate to many organizations anonymously sometime because I don't want the recognition, I just want to help." Speaking about helping children had really relaxed him. He was not the austere and passive man that he portrayed at first. It was becoming more and more clear to me that perhaps that been an act. I suppose he was just guarding himself, which was more than understandable. It seemed that this topic was something that he was just so passionate about that he could not maintain his facade. At least that's what I concluded as an initial reading of him. Though he did still seem to have an over abundance of confidence based on the way he carried himself. Was it confidence or arrogance? Perhaps though, that was just an act as well.

...

Michael's POV

I looked over at Jessica and Karina who both looked bored. I felt guilty for getting lost in conversation with Alissa. I could spend hours, days even, just talking about children and and all the ways people can help the world. I was becoming comfortable speaking with Alissa. She was just so easy to talk to. She understood and seemed to feel the same way as me about that subject. I think that I may have been becoming too comfortable though. I've met many people who seemed to think similar to me and who seemed to be genuinely good people, and perhaps they were, but when they had the chance to hurt me they took it because they gained something out of it. I needed to keep reminding myself to be more cautious.

I sat up straight again as I turned my attention back to Jessica and Karina, "So, I know that you both sing but do you dance as well?" Karina smiled at me, most likely out of happiness that the conversation had returned to her, "Yes we dance as well, though personally I prefer to sing. I just feel more comfortable singing then I do dancing, I guess." Jessica chimed in, "I don't know. I'm kind of torn, I enjoy both very much. It would be hard to chose one over the other, what about you Alissa?" It struck me as odd that Jessica would turn the conversation back to Alissa's direction. I would have thought that both of them were growing upset at her being the center of attention. Anytime that I have met fans they always seem to compete for my attention. Either Jessica and Karina didn't mind not having the focus on them or they just wanted to keep this particular topic of conversation focused on their friend. I felt it was most likely the latter as I could tell they had been trying to persuade her for some time to pursue a career in the industry. "Oh. Hmm...I...well honestly I am not sure. I never really gave it much thought really. Singing and dancing always just seemed to go hand in hand for me, you almost can't really do one without the other. Michael which do you prefer?" I wasn't sure how to answer Alissa's question. I, too, never really thought about that so I gave a simple answer, "Same as you, I suppose."

"Oh my, how could I almost forget? I have a surprise for you Alissa." I said as I stood up. She looked up at me puzzled, "You what?" "Well it is your birthday, after all, and there's one thing that I've been told everyone has on their birthday. I'll be right back" I stepped out for just a moment and walked back into the room and flipped off the light switch as I kicked the door closed with my right foot. I walked back over to the three of them and placed my surprise on the coffee table that was between the two sofa's.

Jessica and Karina both stood up as I said, "Ready? On three. 1...2...3..." Alissa's face was bright red and she covered her face with her hands as we sang Happy Birthday to her. "Make a wish Ali" Karina told her once we finished the last note. Alissa thought for a moment and then blew out the candles on her cake.

As we sat there eating the cake I was thinking about how beautiful Jessica and Karina's voices were. It was only "Happy Birthday" but I could tell they had talent. They had both adamantly claimed that Alissa was even better and suddenly I had a strong urge to hear for myself. "Well Alissa, I have now heard both of them sing," I said gesturing to Jessica and Karina, "I think it's only fair to hear you sing as well." "Yeah girl, show him your stuff" Jessica laughed. "Oh no! I couldn't, I'm sorry I am just too shy" she cried as her face turned that beautiful crimson shade again. "Why would you be shy? You sang in front of many people before, haven't you?" I asked her. "Yes, but that was different. This is a very private setting and your putting me on the spot and besides you...well...I mean you are the King of Pop. Singing in front of you would be like trying to play basketball with Michael Jordan, how can you compete with the greatest?" I smiled at her and spoke softly, "Thank you, really, you are very kind to say that. I really would love to hear your voice though. Hmm...I'll tell you what, I will sing with you, how 'bout that?" "Oh I really don't know Michael." Karina then spoke up, "Ali, just relax and have some fun. How many people out there get this opportunity? To be able to actually sing with Michael Jackson is incredibly rare and your gonna kick yourself later if you don't." Alissa chuckled, "You're right, as always." She turned back to me, "OK then, what should we sing?" "You should sing that duet you love so much Ali. Ya know "I Just Can't Stop Loving You". You know the words by heart." Jessica winked at Alissa. "You really like it?" I looked at Alissa who once again was blushing. "Yes, it's one of my favorites. I love the melody." "Well alright, let's do it then, you ready?" She took a deep breath and as she exhaled she barely breathed the word, "Yes." So I began.

Each time the wind blows

I hear your voice so I call your name

Whispers at morning

Our love is dawning

Heavens glad you came

You know how I feel

This thing can't go wrong

I'm so proud to say

I love you

Your love's got me high

I long to get by

This time is forever

Love is the answer

I pointed to Alissa who closed her eyes as she began to sing. Her voice was hauntingly beautiful and I just sat there completely amazed.

I hear your voice now

You are my choice now

The love you bring

Heaven's in my heart

At your call

I hear harps

And angels sing

You know how I feel

This thing can't go wrong

I can't live my life

Without you

(Michael)

I just can't hold on

(Alissa)

I feel we belong

(Michael)

My life ain't worth living

If I can't be with you

Alissa opened her eyes and looked into mine. Clearly feeling a little more comfortable after noticing the expression on my face. Her voice was beautiful and my thoughts were painted on my face. For the first time during this meeting I didn't try to hide what I was thinking. She held my eyes as we both sang the chorus.

I just can't stop loving you

I just can't stop loving you

And if I stop

Then tell me just

What will I do

(Alissa)

Cause I just can't stop

Loving you

(Michael)

At night when the stars shine

I pray in you I'll find

A love so true

(Alissa)

When morning awakes me

Will you come and take me

I'll wait for you

(Michael)

You know how I feel

I won't stop until

I hear your voice saying

"I do"

(Alissa)

"I do"

This thing can't go wrong

(Michael)

This feelings so strong

(Alissa)

Well my life ain't

Worth living

(Both)

If I can't be with you

I just can't stop loving you

I just can't stop loving you

And if I stop then tell me

Just what will I do

(Michael)

I just can't stop loving you

As I sang the last line I pointed at her and naturally she blushed. Honestly, I couldn't get over her voice. It was powerful yet at the same time soft and sweet. She was even better than Sheryl and Siedah, but I could never tell anyone that. She was just incredible and I wish I could get her to perform on stage with me, but I knew that would never happen. I put that thought out of my mind for the moment and continued to just enjoy her.

(Alissa)

We can change all the world

Tomorrow

(Michael)

We can sing songs of

Yesterday

(Alissa)

I can say, hey farewell

To sorrow

(Michael)

This is my life and I

(Both)

Want to see you for always

...

Alissa's POV

We finished the song with one final chorus and were both applauded by Jess and Karina. Surprisingly I wasn't as embarrassed anymore. It felt good to just let it out and when I opened my eyes before the first chorus the look on Michael's face said it all. He was impressed and his silent approval made me feel so much better. "Wow, you really can sing girl. That was great." Michael's smile was genuine and I couldn't help but smile wide, "Thank you, that really means so much to me, especially coming from you." "Well, there's no question that you have an amazing gift. The world would be very lucky if you ever decided to introduce yourself to them. Don't rule out the thought completely." Before I could reply there was a knock at the door which I was thankful for because I really had no idea how to respond to that.

Frank entered the room and I saw Michael stand up and he immediately reverted back to the person he was for most of our meeting. He stood tall with his hands clenched behind his back and his body was straight and rigid once again. "I'm afraid that time is up" Frank announced. "Thank you so much for your time Michael. It really was wonderful having the chance to meet and talk with you." Karina reached out her hand for him to shake. "You are very welcome, my pleasure" he shook her hand then turned to Jessica, "It was very nice to meet you." "It was an honor, thank you" Jessica shook his hand before they both walked to the door leaving Michael and I alone to face each other. "Excuse me, Mr. DiLeo can you please show us to the restroom?" Karina asked. "Sure, right this way." The door closed and now we were completely alone to say goodbye. My nervousness returned. I never thought about being alone in a room with him. I didn't know what to expect now. Throughout the entire hour I had seen two entirely different sides to Michael. He was making it difficult for me to figure him out. Obviously, one of the two faces was an act but which one? Now that we were alone and it was time to say goodbye I wondered which Michael he would show me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Too Late**

The show was due to begin shortly. Jess, Karina, and myself stood just a few feet away from where Michael Jackson would soon be. The tens of thousands of people surrounding me are full of excitement and anticipation yet I am dreadfully uncomfortable. It surprises even me that the majority of my discomfort is not the result of the crowd but more so due to the conversation that I had with Michael Jackson just a short time ago.

I expected to leave the conversation knowing who the "real" Michael is. My ability to read people had always been impeccable. I hadn't thought that ability would elude me when it came to him, but it did. He made it near impossible to get a good read on him. It was almost as though he was fully aware of what I was trying to do and he made every effort to send me in another direction when I thought I was finally getting ahold on him. Our goodbye was the final chance for me to figure him out and I was determined to do so.

...

Michael's POV

As soon as the door closed I became completely frozen. I certainly had not anticipated ever being alone with any of these women and after meeting the three of them, Alissa was the last one I would want to be left alone with. Throughout our entire meeting I felt myself slip with her far too often. I walked into this with every intention of portraying myself as the person I wanted them to see. I have managed to do that all my life why would today be any different? Why? Well, it was because of her.

From the moment I laid my eyes on her I knew that there was something different about this girl. Everything about her seemed to pull me in to her and it was so hard to break away, but I had to. Although on the surface we seemed to have much in common I couldn't trust it. It would not be the first time that a fan, or anyone else for that matter, lied about who they were and what interested them in an effort to fool me and get close to me. After what happened last time, I swore I would never let that happen to me again. Everyone always asks me about my song, "Dirty Diana". They ask me why I wrote it, who it's about and I always respond the same way. I tell them that it's a song about women who follow bands around and are always hanging out backstage hoping for a chance, they call them groupies. That story is true, but only partially. There really was a woman named Diana, she was an obsessed fan and I was her prey. She caught me in her web and it spiraled out of control. She could have ruined me, destroyed me completely. Alissa's story is a little too close for comfort. A fan who appears to love children and seems to share an interest in helping to save the planet, a woman who is an amazing singer yet claims to have no interest in celebrity. Diana was the same at first and once she knew she had me trapped everything changed.

Yet as I stand here looking at her, I don't see in Alissa's eyes what I saw in Diana's. Diana's eyes were always drunk with lust and desire. Though her words were warm her eyes were cold. Alissa is different though. I gaze into her eyes and see nothing but a genuine, sincere and loving person looking back at me. The way that I feel when in her presence is something that I have NEVER come close to feeling before. It honestly makes me want to give her a chance but it's just too risky.

...

Alissa's POV

Someone had to say something and it didn't seem that it was going to be him. Michael stood there the way he had when I first walked in the room. He carried himself like he really was a king. His hands held behind his back, his posture perfect, and apart from the rise and fall of his chest he wasn't moving, or even blinking. Finally I spoke, "I really can't thank you enough for doing all of this. It's definitely been the best birthday by far and I will never forget it." "Again, it was my pleasure, but you are welcome. I am glad that I was able to meet you." His tone was neutral as he spoke but his eyes showed that he meant every word.

He reached out his hand for me to shake but knowing that this would be my only opportunity to do so I had to ask, "Can I have a hug?" My voice was so quiet that it was barely audible, even to me, but he heard me. He took two steps towards me and put his arms out waiting for me to take the final step that would close the distance between us. "Of course you can girl, come here" his voice was soft and soothing like a lullaby and it made my heart skip a beat. I walked into his warm embrace and wrapped my arms around his waist while laying my head on his chest, taking in the intoxicating scent of his cologne. Michael's arms gently held me at first but as his right hand moved to the back of my head and his head dipped to rest on the top I heard him inhale deeply. As he began to exhale, his fingers went to the base of my neck and pushed upwards into my hair entangling themselves in my locks and he grabbed me tighter, pulling me closer into him. That rush of electricity that I felt when we first touched, just an hour before, was nothing compared to the surge I was feeling now. It was as though there was an unseen force of energy swirling around our bodies pushing us closer to each other and preventing us from pulling away. We stood there with a tight hold on each other for what seemed like hours until there was a knock at the door.

Frank's voice could be heard from the other side, "Mike, Greg needs you to do a quick sound check." Without letting go of me Michael lifted his head to reply, "OK, give me just a minute." He lowered his head again to rest his cheek on the top of my head and let out a sigh and I would have given anything in that moment to know what he was thinking.

...

Michael's POV

Never, in all my life, had I felt the way I was feeling right now. I've hugged hundreds, maybe thousands of people but my mind, and body never reacted the way that they were now. I honestly didn't want to let go of her, I almost couldn't let go of her. I didn't want this feeling to go away. When I first placed my arms around her I felt an immediate sense of warmth but when I drew in her scent it was like a bolt of lighting shot up through my nose and swam through my body all the way to the tips of my limbs. It drove me crazy. My body felt on fire and my reaction was almost beyond my control. I pulled her closer to me wanting to intensify the feeling and she seemed more than willing to comply, as her arms tightened around my waist.

After I heard Frank's heavy footsteps walk away from the door I held her closer still. I could have stood there for hours and been perfectly content just holding her to my body. I leaned down placing my lips as close to her ear as I could get without touching and whispered, "I have to go." I released my hand from her hair and slowly began to pull away from her. With my hands resting on her shoulders and her hands holding onto my sides I looked into her eyes tying to figure out what she was thinking. Did she feel it too? As I swam in the vast ocean that were her eyes I found my answer. Without a thought I leaned my face towards her and gently placed my lips on her cheek giving her a soft kiss.

When I pulled my head back I gave her a warm smile and ran my right hand down her arm until I reached her hand that had still held my waist. I gently took her hand entwining my fingers with hers and walked her to the door. I reached for the door knob with my free hand but paused before turning it. "Thank YOU for a wonderful time. I,too, shall remember this always." I opened the door to find her friends waiting for her on the other side. We said our final goodbyes and I watched the three of them walk down the hall until they were out of sight.

I closed the door and leaned against it to take a few deep breaths and steady my thoughts before I returned to work. As the spell her aura had cast over me began to lift and my mind began to think more clearly a thought screamed through my mind as my hand went to my forehead and I shook my head from side to side. "My God, what did I just do?"

...

Alissa's POV

I just can't get that goodbye out of my head. What was that? Why was I so drawn to him? The feelings he gave me were nothing I could have anticipated. In the midst of the screaming crowd my mind was working itself into a frenzy. What did he feel, if anything at all? While we were locked in our tight embrace I really felt that he had to have felt it too and when his lips so sweetly kissed my cheek I was almost certain. If he had felt what I did though, wouldn't he have wanted to see me again? He never asked me for my number or a way to contact me and his last words to me were so final, "I, too, shall remember this always. Goodbye, Alissa"

I guess that we were only meant to have that moment and it was more than I could have ever dreamed of. The entire hour gave me a lot to ponder. The way that he spoke of being a performer made me think that maybe I actually could handle it. I hadn't had the opportunity to really talk to Jess and Karina yet about how we all felt after the meeting but I knew that when we did talk they would be thrilled beyond belief to know that I was even considering what he said carefully.

I had only one goal for our meeting with the superstar, Michael Jackson. I wanted to see the man behind the lights, the cameras, the music, the stage, and I think that I did. As much as he tried to throw me off throughout our time together that goodbye seemed to say it all. He really is a gentle and kind soul that is full of love. I felt it all in those few moments that he held me close to him.

...

Michael's POV

As we continued to prepare for the show my thoughts kept going back to Alissa. I kept re-playing in my mind everything that happened from the moment she and her friends first walked in until the moment I watched them walk away. What had I done? I let my guard down farther than I had with anyone in a long time. I should have been more careful. I should not have allowed her to have that affect on me. I had made a huge mistake, didn't I? My God, did it feel good though. The way she felt in my arms, the way she looked into my eyes, the way her smile melted my heart. It just felt so...so natural, so good, so right and I knew that she felt it too.

Have I never really felt this way before? I thought that I had. I thought before that I had met a really great girl, someone who cared about me, the person I am inside, not Michael Jackson the entertainer. I was painfully mistaken. Diana had earned my trust and I was beginning to fall for her when everything changed. She left me heartbroken and devastated. I never saw her for who she truly was, everything with her was just an act. She played me, she used me.

I don't know where to go from here. There's still time before the show starts so I could easily get someone to get her number for me, but do I want to see her again? How could I ever know for sure if Alissa would turn out just like Diana? What if everything was just an act with her too? I don't know if I have ever really met anyone who has genuinely been themselves around me. For some reason, people can't get past the surface of who I am because of what I do. They only see me for my money and my celebrity status, they don't see me. Since Diana, I have built walls around me to keep people from seeing who I am on the inside. I showed my true self to Diana and it blew up in my face. If people don't want to see ME, then I won't show it to them. I have successfully managed to keep myself hidden, until now that is. Alissa did something to me that made it near impossible to hide who I am. I fought hard during the entire meeting to try to keep on my mask but it seemed the harder I fought the more she was able to pull me out from behind it.

Then that hug, the way our bodies melted together, the way the shadow seemed to lift and light took it's place back in my heart. The way the soft skin of her cheek felt against my lips as I tried to commit her divine fragrance to memory. It was just too much for me. Had she stayed there even a moment longer I fear I may have completely lost control. God, this girl was dangerous. I had only known her for an hour and she had way more power over me than she should, I didn't like it.

The more I thought about her and this whole situation, going back and forth comparing her to Diana my creative juices started flowing. I grabbed a note pad and a pen and began to scribble away as the words came to me.

The way she came into the place

I knew right then and there

There was something different

About this girl

The way she moved

Her hair, her face, her lines

Divinity in motion

As she stalked the room

I could feel the aura

Of her presence

Every head turned

Feeling passion and lust

The girl was persuasive

The girl I could not trust

The girl was bad

The girl was dangerous

...

She's so dangerous

The girl is so dangerous

Take away my money

Throw away my time

You can call me honey

But you're no damn good for me

She came at me in sections

With the eyes of desire

I fell trapped into her

Web of sin

A touch, a kiss

A whisper of love

I was at the point

Of no return

Deep in the darkness

Of passions insanity

I felt taken by lusts

Strange inhumanity

This girl was persuasive

This girl I could not trust

The girl was bad

The girl was dangerous

...

Dangerous

The girl is so dangerous

Take away my money

Throw away my time

You can call me honey

But you're no damn good for me

Dangerous

The girl is so dangerous

I have to pray to God

Cause I know how

Lust can blind

It's a passion in my soul

But you're no damn lover

Friend of mine

...

Alissa's POV

Finally, the house lights went down and the stage lit up, from underneath the stage five men walked out. The one in the middle was the very man I had shared a very private moment with just a short time ago. It was very surreal because although he looked the same and I knew he was the same man, the Michael Jackson before me now was very different. He wasn't the quiet, reserved, shy man I had met. He was this electrifying superstar who became one with the rhythm of the music. The energy levels were soaring through the stadium as he sang hit after hit. I was elated at first, watching him up there, and I would have stayed that way if not for one tiny problem that became more apparent as each song passed by.

He never once looked at me. He knew where I would be in the crowd and I figured after the magical moment we shared that I would, at the very least, get a glance here and there, maybe a wink, something. Instead it seemed as though he was actually avoiding looking in my direction, looking everywhere through the crowd except at me. I don't understand it, it just makes no sense to me. Michael Jackson was truly an enigma, a puzzle I was now sure I could never figure out and it bothered the hell out of me. Here I was just moments ago proud of myself for having read him so well and now, well now I know that I was clearly wrong. It was all an act, that entire hour I spent with him was nothing but lies and deception. Or was it?

When he began to sing "I Just Can't Stop Loving You", the song we so beautifully sung together, my anger started to diminish. His sweet voice echoing in my mind caused me to think of an alternative to his blatant avoidance. Perhaps he really did feel what I did but it scared him. I knew I couldn't deny how spellbound I felt when our eyes locked together so maybe, just maybe, he was afraid to stand on stage and look into my eyes for fear he would become transfixed in front of the crowd.

The show continued on and I had decided to believe that he had felt exactly what I had been feeling. It was less hurtful to believe that then what I initially thought, so I went with that. Then the lights went down and the rock beat that I always loved so much began to pulse through my veins. The spotlight came on and there Michael stood, looking directly at me.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched him virtually make love to the microphone stand in front of him. I swear my jaw must have been on the floor as he began to sing piercing his eyes right through me.

You'll never make me stay

So take your weight off of me

I know your every move

So won't you just let me be

I've been here times before

But I was too blind to see

That you seduce every man

This time you won't seduce me

She's saying, "That's OK

Hey baby do what you please

I have the stuff that you want

I am the thing that you need"

She looked me deep in the eyes

She's touchin' me so to start

She said there's no turning back

She trapped me in her heart

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, no

Dirty Diana

Let me be

She likes the boys in the band

She knows when they come to town

Every musicians fan after

The curtain comes down

She waits at backstage doors

For those who have prestige

Who promise fortune and fame, a life

That's so carefree

She's saying, "That's OK

Hey baby do what you want

I'll be your night lovin' thing

I'll be the freak you can taunt

And I don't care what you say

I want to go too far

I'll be your everything

If you make me a star"

As the chorus kicked in again I stood completely frozen in shock. He spent the entire show avoiding me and now, for this song, he is looking straight at me. His eyes were burning me and I could almost feel myself crumbling into a pile of ash. I had never been so turned on and yet so hurt and upset at the same time. Watching him move his body the way he was, was enough to drive any woman mad. I can't recall ever seeing him project so much raw sexual energy. Had it not been for the never-ending fierce gaze he was giving me this would have been my favorite part of the show, hands down. Why was he singing THIS song to me? Did he think I was just like the woman depicted in the song? Was this what he thought of me?

She said, "I have to go home

'Cause I'm real tired ya see

Now I hate sleeping alone

Why don't you come with me"

I said, "My baby's at home

She's probably worried tonight

I didn't call on the phone

To say that I'm alright"

Diana walked up to me

She said, "I'm all yours tonight"

At that I ran to the phone

Sayin', "Baby I'm alright"

I said, "But unlock the door

'Cause I forgot the key"

She said, "He's not coming home

Because he's sleepin' with me"

As the song came to an end I had this overwhelming urge to run away. I felt embarrassed, humiliated even. I was hurt and confused. Throughout the entire day my opinion of him went back and forth but right now at this moment it was as low as it could get. Seriously, what the hell was that? Does he really have that opinion of me? Does he honestly think that I am just some "groupie" trying to seduce the rich and powerful so that I could advance myself in life? Not once, during the entire hour with him did I think of seducing him, or think of ways to use his status to my advantage. I cannot see how anything I said or did would make him feel that way. That is not at all who I am and it kills me to know that anyone, especially him, could think that of me.

...

Michael's POV

The show was going OK, I guess. I, naturally, caught every error and was quite upset about it, but the audience didn't seem to notice. Changing into my costume for "Billie Jean" I thought about what upset me the most about the show, my performance during "Dirty Diana". I don't know why I did that to her, she hadn't deserved that. I guess, maybe, I wanted to see her reaction. She brought out so many old memories in me about Diana and for some reason I just can't shake the fear that she could be the same way. My eyes stabbed her like daggers as I let the venom of my words seep into her. When I looked at her then all I could see was Diana and what she had done to me.

Alissa's reaction was heartbreaking and made me deeply regret what I had done. She was crushed and I swore I saw her wipe a tear from her face. Perhaps, she was nothing like Diana after all. I have to do something to eradicate the pain I caused her. I spent the entire show without looking at her once and the first time I do, I do that. God, what must she think of me now? I'm such an idiot. I only avoided her because I couldn't let myself be paralyzed again by all her beauty. I had to remain professional and I feared that if I looked at her, her eyes would hold me captive, again. Now, after the stunt I pulled she probably thought I hated her and now, with good cause, I'm certain she hates me. I have to fix this.

...

Alissa's POV

"You knock me off of my feet, now baby, ooh" Michael belted out as he pointed to me. What? He was actually pointing at me while singing THAT? As the music chimed in, he distinctively gave me a wink and that warm smile of his followed. Oh, that's it, I completely give up on trying to figure him out. At this point he could spell out for me exactly who he is and what he's all about and I still wouldn't get it. I would still look at him the same way I am now, completely dumbfounded.

Hey pretty baby with the

High heels on

You give me fever

Like I've never, ever known

You're just a product of

Loveliness

I like the groove of

Your walk,

your talk, your dress

I feel your fever

From miles around

I'll pick you up in my car

And we'll paint the town

Just kiss me baby

And tell me twice

That you're the one for me

The way you make me feel

(The way you make me feel)

You really turn me on

(You really turn me on)

You knock me off of my feet

(You knock me off of my feet)

My lonely days are gone

(My lonely days are gone)

"I like the feelin' you're givin' me", he pointed right at me, again. Then he wrapped his arms around the front of his body, "Just hold me baby and," still holding my eyes he ran both his palms from the top of his chest down to his hips and rolled his body to the rhythm as he sang, "I'm in ecstasy." Another wink and a smile came my way before he pulled away and finished the song.

As Michael began to sing the final song of the night, "Man in the Mirror," I looked at him completely bewildered. One minute he's singing to me as though I'm some kind of seductress who's going to enchant him so that I get what I want out of him and then I'll be throwing him away, but then the next minute he's saying that I knock him off his feet and he likes the feelings I give him and me holding him sends him in to ecstasy. I felt like the room was spinning as my mind flew into over-drive. I was far beyond being perplexed by the whole thing. One thing I knew for sure, is that Michael was clearly torn. How could I even begin to figure him out if he was still lost himself?

...

Michael's POV

When the show ended and I returned backstage I immediately went to Frank, "Hey, listen, I need you to get me that girls number." Frank had a confused look on his face so I elaborated, "Alissa. The birthday girl, remember? I want to speak to her again. I need that number Frank, please." "Mike, are ya sure man?" Frank was one of the few people that knew about Diana and all the pain that had caused me. "Yes, I'm sure." I wasn't really sure though. As the show came to a close I thought about what I should do. Part of me wanted to see her again, or at least talk to her, the other part of me wanted to just go about my life the way I had been doing, keeping my walls up and remaining cautious of everyone.

Although I still had not decided what I wanted, I knew that tonight was my only chance at being able to get her number. I figured I could sort things out in my head later and come to a decision. Once I had her number if I wanted to call her then I could and if I chose not to then I simply wouldn't, but I needed that option.

After sending Frank on my mission I exited the building and returned to the hotel. Having some alone time gave me the opportunity to think clearly. I had no way of knowing what the future would bring, no way to tell if Alissa would hurt me like Diana had or not. I could only look at what I did know and that was that some force of nature had drawn me to her. Who am I to argue with nature? I thought back to every feeling and emotion I got when in her presence and I knew, knew for sure that no one had ever made me feel that way before. I just couldn't ignore those feelings. I wanted so badly to have a real, equally loving relationship with a woman. I've dreamt of her so many times, the woman that gave ME, not Michael Jackson, all of her love unconditionally. Now, I felt that the angel from my dreams had a name, Alissa. I wanted her, I needed her.

The knock at the door pulled me from my reverie. I knew it was Frank coming to give me her number, the key to my future. "Did you get it?" I asked already anticipating the conversation I would soon have with her. Frank's face was solemn and I felt my heart drop, "I'm sorry man, when security went to look for her she was already gone. She must've bolted outta there."

My face fell, along with all my hopes and dreams. She was gone, I was too late.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - A Familiar Stranger**

March 1989

It has been two months since the day that I met Michael Jackson and although things are slowly returning to normal again, I know that my life forever changed that day. I have spent many hours analyzing that entire day over and over again in my mind, trying to make sense of all that happened and what it all meant. It was the conversation I had with Jess and Karina after the show that really started to pull things together in my head.

When the last song of the night rang out it's final note I just wanted out of there as quickly as possible. Nothing was making sense to me and I had to get out of there in order to think more clearly. In the stadium his presence was everywhere, like a thick cloud of smog surrounding me and impeding all coherent thoughts. My need to make a run for it, so to speak, did not go un-noticed by Jessica and Karina and the ride home was full of many questions that I, frankly, wanted the answers to myself.

"Do you wanna tell us what the hell happened back there?" Which part? What happened during the hour we all met with him? What happened during the goodbye we were alone for? What happened during "Dirty Diana"? What happened during "The Way You Make Me Feel"? Jessica's question was a loaded one. Where does one even begin to answer?

"What do you mean?" I asked her. "Are you f*cking kidding me right now? You know exactly what I mean." Her voice was raised and it oozed with annoyance at my avoidance of her question. I wasn't really avoiding it, well I mean I was hoping to, but honestly I didn't know what, specifically, she was referring to.

Karina spoke before I could answer, "Ali, you two really seemed to have quite the connection, huh?" I inwardly chuckled at this, I mean if you wanna call his erratic behavior a connection, then yeah sure go ahead. "I guess." I answered her with a sigh. "You guess? Alissa, did you not see all the gestures he made towards you during the show? What the hell happened in that room after we left? What did you do to him?" What did I do? ME? Jessica was now making me feel paranoid. Did I do something to him that made him choose to behave that way? I hadn't thought I did anything wrong but it was obvious that he saw something different. Did he think that me asking him for a hug was a "move" or something? Cause I was far from trying to put the moves on him.

"I didn't do anything to him." I responded defensively and Jess picked up on my tone. "Jeez, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying that clearly something happened in that room after we left and us inquiring minds want to know what it was cause he really was on fire during that show and it seemed that fire was directed right at you." "Yeah Ali, really, whatever happened between you two must have been something pretty amazing." Karina was right. What happened in that dressing room was pretty amazing, I thought anyway. I could still feel his hand tightly wound in my hair, his breath against my ear, his lips as they touched my cheek. It was a moment of pure bliss and I hoped that I would never lose the feeling because in that one moment I felt special.

"Well," I began, "it was something alright." "Well we need all the details so start spilling." Jessica said as we pulled into the parking lot of my apartment. Once we were inside and all seated comfortably I began to spill everything that I knew. Talking out loud about the days events had really helped me sort things out. The beginning of the conversation was between me and Jess, Karina just listened and took everything in, as she usually did.

"OK, well after you two left I thanked him again and then I uh...asked him for a hug."

"Wait, hold on, YOU asked Michael Jackson for a hug? That's a pretty bold move for you. You never initiate things like that with anyone, let alone the biggest superstar on the planet." Jess was clearly in a bit of shock.

"Yeah, I know, but it just kind of came out. I guess I figured that it was my only chance and I would really regret it had I not asked. I mean, being who he is and all, women everywhere would kill to have him alone in a room and I'm sure many would consider it a crime to not get a hug." I laughed and they both joined in.

"OK, so go on. You asked him for hug and then what?"

"He told me that I could of course have a hug and when we hugged the feeling was something I just can't fully describe. It was just um...well it was really nice." I decided that I didn't want to reveal every little detail and describe how much I felt to them for fear that they, or at least Jess, would think I was crazy. "Then his manager came looking for him so he walked me to the door and he said that he enjoyed the past hour with us and uh...that's about it. He opened the door, you two were there, and you saw the rest."

"Seriously? A hug, that's it? Either you're not telling us everything or you give some pretty damn powerful hugs cause a normal "nice" hug would not elicit that kind of reaction in a man, not THAT man." Jessica paused for a moment to think, then continued, "hmmm, did you kiss him?"

"Jessica," I exclaimed, "that's just ridiculous, honestly."

"Not really, not at all actually. Listen Alissa, we aren't stupid here, if that's what you think, we saw the way he was looking at you while he was on stage. We saw everything. The way he looked everywhere but the direction we...you were for most of the show. Then the way that he danced and sang as if only for and to you during "Dirty Diana". The winking and the pointing during "The Way You Make Me Feel". More importantly than all of that, we saw your reaction to everything. It was like you were having some internal battle with yourself ever since we walked away from the dressing room. Something big happened in that room. So are you really going to tell me that you never felt his lips the whole time?"

I really couldn't lie when asked a direct question like that. Of course, I didn't feel I was lying at all to them, I just wasn't divulging any more details than absolutely necessary. "Um...well uh...not exactly." I literally thought Jess was going to fall over in shock so I quickly continued before her eyes completely popped out of her head, "It's not like that Jess, it was just a quick, little goodbye peck on the cheek."

It took a few moments, but eventually Jessica calmed down a bit and she was able to speak again, "Really? That's all? Just a peck, on the cheek? Hmm...well I'm not entirely sure that's all that happened. I mean, you really make everything seem as though it was so casual, yet there was definitely a spark between you two. Now be honest here, do you like him, ya know, romantically?"

With a sigh I answered, "Honestly? I just don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"Ali, what is there to think about? Either you think the guy is cute or you don't. It's really simple."

"Well of course he's cute Jess. Do you know how many women throw themselves at him? You didn't ask me if I thought he was good looking though. You asked me if I liked him romantically. That question is not rather simple at all. You know how I feel about men in general in that way."

"Yeah, yeah I know but this is no ordinary man. I mean it's Michael Jackson for God's sake."

"Jess, he's still a man. Isn't that what you told me last night? Besides what I feel doesn't really matter I'm not going to be seeing him again." Disappointment really began to settle in as I said that.

"You didn't give him your number? Are you crazy?"

"He didn't ask." Even more disappointment.

"So what? You should have found a way to make sure he had it, just in case. What if he wanted it and was just too shy to ask or something?"

"I really don't think that's the case. I'm sure you would love to see me run off with him happily into the sunset but honestly Jess, I don't think he liked me at all, let alone like that."

After remaining quiet for the majority of the conversation Karina decided to add her thoughts. "Do you wanna know what I think?" Yes. Yes I do. Karina was always so wise beyond her years. Both of their thoughts and opinions mattered to me, but when Karina spoke things just made so much sense. She was like the light bulb in my head, her words always seemed to make things click for me.

I nodded my head, so she continued. "Well for starters I think that the whole thing seems rather surreal. Who would have thought we would be having this conversation tonight? Yet here we are. Alissa, it seems rather obvious to me from everything that I saw tonight and listening to you now that there is a strong connection between you and Michael. You both like each other but you are both overwhelmed and frightened. I don't know anything about his personal life but just the surface of who he is, is enough to make him scared. He is a very public figure who has to be careful of the people he lets into his life. You on the other hand, I know about your past, so I know why you are scared of what you are feeling. I know that you feel you are un-lovable because of the men you've had in your life, but Ali, I've told you so many times before that those men didn't deserve you. They were far too immature to appreciate all that you have to offer. You are a good person and one day you will find someone who is deserving of your love because they give it back to you with all the force and passion that you give. If you shut all men out though, you will never find it. I know it's hard to take the chance because you don't want to suffer from another broken heart and believe me, we also don't want to see that but we don't want you to give up on finding love either. Now, when you speak of Michael there is a sparkle in your eye that I've never seen before. There is something there that you just can't ignore it Ali."

There it was. The nail hitting the head. Karina was right, as usual. There have been two men in my life that I loved with all that I had yet when it came down to it they didn't love me in return. The first man was romantic and affectionate but he could really make me laugh too. We had so much fun together and he made me feel genuinely loved. He would write me sweet love notes and buy me cards that expressed his love. It was all a great act though, for deep down he never felt that way. How could he, when he was giving his love to every other girl in town at the same time? I really gave him every last inch of me yet it was not enough for him. The fairy tale I thought I was living was just a big lie and I was too blind to have seen it. The second man I loved was faithful to me and he did make me laugh as well but he was not romantic at all. In the beginning he was, but of course as time went on his "true self" became clearer to me. Romance, intimacy, affection are very important to me. There are just some things a relationship cannot live without and, for me, that's it. Well, this man refused to express his supposed love for me no matter how often I told him that I needed it. In all the time I was with him the words "I love you" never escaped his lips. I felt that if he loved me he would tell me because he knew that's what I needed to hear yet he never did, so I'm left feeling that he never really loved me either. Due to my experiences with love I find it very difficult to trust men. I have vowed to be far more careful with my heart. I want to really know a person, who they really are deep down, before I allow them inside the walls that protect my heart. Trust is not something I can just give, it has to be earned. Michael has made me feel things that I never thought I could feel for someone so soon and I don't know how to deal with that.

"Karina, you may be right about how I feel and why I feel that way. It's just hard for me to believe that Michael feels the same. If he did like me he had a strange way of showing it, that's for sure. He ignored me completely through most of the show and then he seemed angry with me during "Dirty Diana" but then "The Way You Make Me Feel" it just completely threw me off. He was being...well he was being playful."

"Well did you ever think that maybe he's just as torn as you? We don't know anything about his past just as he doesn't know yours. Maybe someone hurt him too and he's just as confused by what he feels for you as you are about what you feel for him." Hmm. Very interesting point. I guess I hadn't looked at it that way. I suppose it could explain his hot and cold projections.

The talk with my girls helped me realize a lot of things. I realized that Michael was really a special person, a man that was beautiful on so many levels and I longed for the chance to get to know him better. Sadly though, none of it mattered now. It's too late. Tomorrow I will go back to work, back to my normal life and he will go back to doing what he does best, dazzling millions of people throughout the world. I had no way of ever being able to contact him and he had no way of contacting me.

...

As I said things were relatively back to normal. I returned to work and things were going well. The last thing Karina said to me that night was, "Where there is a will there is a way. Be patient, I'm sure Michael will find a way to reach out to you soon. He will see that he can't ignore the way he feels either." After that night I had really hoped that Karina was right. Once I carefully considered everything she said I decided that I did want to hear from him. I was still scared, naturally, but I wanted to see where things would go. How could I deny the way I felt around him? There was something special about him and when I was in his arms I felt safe. I felt like all the fear and all the hurt just melted away at his touch. Even if we were only friends I wanted him in my life. I really believed that we were destined for more.

Yet now here it is two months later and I have heard nothing. No sign of him at all. As time passed by I began to feel that we were really only meant to have that one night. The experience had really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I started writing songs again and was still actually considering seeing how far my talents could take me. I also learned, more importantly than everything else, that I cannot completely give up on love. I just need to be more cautious but maybe there is someone out there for me. Someone who can return my unconditional love. Michael made me feel special, if only for a moment, and I've realized that I cannot blame all men for the mistakes that others have made. It seems to me now that Michael's purpose in my life was just to open my eyes and look at things differently. Instead of looking at being a performer as a way for people to hurt me he showed me I should look at it as a way to help others. Instead of looking at men as being selfish and incapable of feeling love Michael showed me that there are men out there who care about others more than themselves, men with all the love in the world in their hearts. I will always be grateful for the things Michael taught me and without even realizing he did.

My one evening with Michael was special and it was like our own little secret. Some of my co-workers knew about my birthday present from Jess and Karina but I never told them EVERYTHING that happened, well all except one. Kevin was one of my best friends, in fact aside from Jess and Karina he was the only one I ever confided in. We have been friends for years and he has always been there for me, even throughout my failed relationships. Many people always ask why him and I never had a relationship because of how close we are. Well, with Kevin it's just not like that. We're just friends and we both like it that way. I've never looked at him romantically before and I don't think I ever could. He's far too good of a friend to let romance ruin things.

I told Kevin everything about that night with Michael. He knew how anxious I was to hear from Michael so he was really surprised when I told him that I had come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to happen and that I was actually OK with it. Kevin seemed more upset that I would never see Michael again then I think I was. He figured if I saw Michael again he would get to maybe meet him. Kevin was a fan, not an obsessed fan, but a fan. He had an appreciation for the supreme talent that only Michael possessed. Kevin was my friend though and though he hoped things would turn out differently he accepted the way things were. He even accepted how I felt about it and let the subject go completely.

The three friends I had, the only three in the world who knew the details of what happened that night, had let it all go and so did I. We all went back to our normal lives just as we were meant to. Things would never be completely normal, though. How could they be? I shared a magical moment with an even more magical human being and no matter how long I lived I would never forget it. I just have decided not to dwell on it. I don't want to live my life in the past anymore. I want to live in the present and even dream of all the wonderful things my future may bring me. That was one more thing that Michael taught me, indirectly.

The drive into work this morning was just as crazy ever. Ya just gotta love morning rush hour in L.A. Thankfully, I still managed to arrive on time though. I really loved my job, it was now one of the few things that stood between me and pursuing a career in the music business. I knew that I couldn't do both no matter how much I would want to stay here.

As I walked in I noticed Kevin sitting at the front desk talking to a man I had never seen before. Based on his attire I assume that he is a new guy who's dressing to impress. His appearance stands out to me a bit though. Most of the male employees at the hospital are clean shaven yet this man has a full beard and mustache. I don't know why that strikes me as odd but it does. Kevin and the new guy appeared to be involved in a very active conversation so I decided to wait to say my morning hello to Kevin and went to the nurse's station to take a look at my charts for the day.

While getting ready for lunch I finally ran into Kevin. "Hey there you are."

"Hi."

"Busy day for you?"

"Yeah, you could say that. We got a new guy working at the front desk and Carly called out today so there was no one to train him. So I guess they figured there were enough nurses on staff and decided to sacrifice me so that I could train him." Carly was the woman who normally worked at the front desk, she would have been the one to train the new guy. Kevin had worked the front desk before he began as a nurse so he was the only other person on the staff that could train someone to work the front desk.

"Wow. That really stinks."

"Eh, it's not so bad, I guess. He's a pretty nice guy actually. So it's not too horrible."

"Well, that's good then. So who is this guy?"

"I don't know too much about him. His name is Chris Scruz, he's from the east, I forget which state. This is actually his first job at a hospital, can you believe that? He seems to know what he's doing though. He's catching onto everything really quick."

"Really, he's never worked at a hospital? I'm surprised then that this hospital hired him. Usually they want one hell of a resume."

"Yeah I really don't know how he got the job exactly, but hey, he seems like a good guy and he's doing a good job so far, so I'm not complaining."

"Well I guess that's all that matters then, right?"

"Right."

"Well hey listen, I'm about to run out for lunch, you wanna join me?"

"Nah, I wish I could, but I gotta take care of more things here but I'll catch up with ya later."

"OK, well have fun with the new guy. Teach him well." We both laughed before saying goodbye.

It was really strange to me that they would hire some guy that never worked at a hospital before. I've never heard of that, not here anyway. I don't know why, but things in my head just weren't adding up about this guy. The looks, the way he managed to get hired, it was just all very strange.

As the day was drawing to a close, I was standing by the nurses station finishing up the last of my notes in my last file, when I felt a very strong presence behind me. "Hello" said a soft deep voice. I turned around to stand face to face with the new guy. His hair was a sandy brown color that matched the beard and mustache and the cut was kind of shaggy. He wore glasses with thin oval frames and was dressed in a red dress shirt with a black tie, black slacks, and black penny loafer dress shoes. He looked very professional. "My name is Chris. I'm new here." "Hello Chris. I'm Alissa, it's nice to meet you." I extended my hand to shake his but he didn't take it. Instead he just looked at it and hesitated then looked around as if searching for a way to escape. How rude. Not a good way to make friends on your first day of the job. Was there something wrong with my hand? Why would he not want to touch me? It's not like I was going to bite him.

I looked over to my left and saw Kevin approaching. "Hey, I see you two met." Yeah if you wanna call it that. I just simply nodded my head. Chris seemed to be really nervous and I couldn't understand why. "Um...I uh...I have to go now, but it was a pleasure uh...meeting you. I'll see you tomorrow." With that Chris took his leave and I was left alone with Kevin to explain Chris' rather odd behavior.

"What was that guy's problem?" I asked Kevin. "What do you mean?" he answered with a question of his own. "Well I put my hand out to shake his and he wouldn't take it. He just looked at my hand for a long moment and then looked around like he was looking for some distraction." "Huh...who knows, maybe he was just nervous or something. He does seem to be kind of shy." Being nervous just would not explain why you wouldn't shake someone's hand. I mean, when you meet someone for the first time it's customary to shake hands and if someone extends a hand to you it's considered rude to not take it. "Being nervous or shy is no excuse to refuse a person's hand Kevin. It's just plain rude." "Yeah I know what you are saying but give the guy a chance. He's new and I'm sure he'll come around." Kevin always tried to see the good in people, it was one of the things I loved about him.

That evening I was soaking in a relaxing bath and thinking about this mysterious new co-worker of mine. I honestly do not know why this man is occupying so much of my thoughts. In the long run, does it really matter how he got the job? Does it matter that he rejected my hand when I offered it to him? It really doesn't, yet for some strange reason it really bothers me and I can't let it go. Normally, I am not a very forward person, I'm more laid back but I decided that at work tomorrow I would call him out on it. I had to know why he acted the way he did. Perhaps there was a logical explanation.

After my long, hot bath I decided that I would watch some TV. There was nothing on, as usual, so I just flipped through the channels until his face caught my attention. The line under the picture, "Jackson fires manager" struck me as odd. When I met Frank he seemed to be very protective of Michael, like he genuinely cared about his well-being. The news reporter said that the reasons behind Frank being let go were unclear at this time. Today was just full of strange events.

...

Michael's POV

February 1989

"Listen Mike, I'm telling you this is a bad idea. You don't know what you are doing." Frank was really starting to upset me. I really had an issue with people telling me what to do all the time and telling me what I knew or didn't know. "Excuse me? Perhaps I have allowed you too much freedom with how you speak to me in the past Frank, but no more. You will not speak to me that way anymore." I really had had enough. "This girl has made you completely irrational. If you think, for one moment, that this little plan of yours is going to work in your favor, you are sadly mistaken. It will blow up in your face in more ways than one, trust me Mike, we've both seen this before." My blood was really starting to boil now. How dare he speak that way, to me. He was the one that didn't know what he was talking about.

"I am not going to just sit back and watch you destroy your life. We have worked too hard for you to just throw it all away over some girl." "WE? In case you haven't noticed people don't come to the shows to see Frank DiLeo, they come to see Michael Jackson. I worked hard long before you were around and I will continue to work hard long after you are gone. You are far from irreplaceable Frank, remember that. I am going to live my life the way that I want. My life is my own, it is not for you to decide, end of discussion." I stood up to leave the room as I was just too disgusted to even look at him any longer. When I reached the door I turned back to him for the final time. "Oh and one more thing. Don't ever speak to me that way again or else..." He cut me off before I could finish. "Or else what? What are ya gonna fire me?" He chuckled sarcastically. "Yes. That is exactly what I will do." "Are you f*cking serious? You are going to fire me over some girl...some...some groupie?" Bad move. "That's it, you are done. Get out and don't come back." "Really? You are firing me?" He looked shock but I didn't care. I was serious, I wanted him out. I've had enough of his controlling me and I was not going to deal with it anymore. I gave him one last look showing him just how serious I was with the heat of my eyes, "Yes. Now, please see yourself out." With that I left the room and didn't look back.

Ever since that night in January I felt like a new person. Something in me changed that night. I decided then that I was going to take control of my life and do only what I wanted to do. My whole life has been spent making everyone around me happy, it's what was expected of me. Until I had a small glimpse of real happiness, for myself, I didn't realize how truly unhappy and lonely I have been. From the outside, it seems as though I have everything a person could want. Although I am thankful for everything I have been blessed with there is still something missing. I had a very, very small taste of it that one night and it's haunted me ever since. I want more of it. I have a hunger that only one person can satisfy and I won't give up until I have her.

...

Alissa's POV

When I arrived at work in the morning I walked right up to the front desk where Chris was sitting next to Carly, who came to work today. I was going to confront him about the day before. It wasn't something I would normally do but for some reason it was eating me up and I had to resolve whatever the problem he had with me was.

"Good morning. Chris, I was wondering if I could have a moment?" I tried to sound as friendly as possible so that Carly wouldn't catch onto anything. Carly, after all, was the hospital gossip. She knew everything about everyone, so one needed to be extra careful around her. "Um...yeah sure." Chris had a puzzled look on his face but got up and followed me into the break room. Luckily, for us, there was no one else in there so we could be alone.

When I turned to face him I was surprised to see him standing tall and confident, not at all like he'd been the day before. When I first met him, Kevin was right, he did seem nervous. Now, however, he seemed calm and in control. Before I could speak and give him a piece of my mind he began, which caught me off guard. "I wanted to actually speak with you as well. I'm so sorry for my rude behavior yesterday. I had just got done cleaning up some soda, that I spilt, and my hands were sticky. That's why I didn't want to shake your hand. I was embarrassed about the whole thing. I really should have washed my hands before introducing myself to you but I saw that you were getting ready to leave. Kevin had spoke so highly of you so I wanted to meet you myself and didn't want to miss you. I'm so sorry if I offended you at all."

Wow. Do I feel like an idiot. All that worrying that this guy had a problem with me and there really was a logical explanation for it. "Oh no not at all. I understand. It's no problem at all." I couldn't let him think that I was really upset over it. I felt embarrassed enough without him knowing the extent of my over-reactions. I couldn't let him know anymore than he may have already picked up on.

"Let's start over, OK? I'm Chris Scruz and I'm very pleased to meet you." He said with a warm smile as he reached out his hand for mine. His smile caught me off guard for a moment, but I reached out to place my hand in his. "It's nice to meet..." I froze when our hands met. A strange, yet familiar, feeling washed over me. Suddenly, I felt this surge of energy rip through me like lightning. It was something I had only experienced once in my life. As I looked up into his brown eyes, feelings began to surface within me that I had finally put behind me. The man before me was someone I had never met and as I stared into his eyes I wondered how could this complete stranger seem so familiar?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - Butterflies**

Before I could become completely lost in his eyes and before his touch had me altogether enthralled he pulled his hand away and quickly looked down. I saw a slight smile tug at the corner of his lips. I quickly became aware of how ridiculous I must have looked to him. I froze mid-sentence at the touch of his hand, my lips parted, my jaw fell slightly and my eyes widened. I looked like I had seen a ghost and now my face was turning bright red as I realized this guy probably thought that my mental stability was questionable. What was going on with me? Since the moment I first saw Chris sitting at the front desk I began acting completely out of my normal character. I had over-reacted about him not shaking my hand, I had then chosen to confront him about it, and then when he finally did shake my hand I was dumb-struck. Yeah maybe I was going crazy.

He shyly looked backed up at me, "Are you OK?" Oh God. This is just so embarrassing.

"Oh...um...yeah...I'm a...I'm fine. You just really reminded me of someone. I'm truly sorry."

"Hmm...I remind you of someone? I am fairly certain I would have remembered meeting you before." He gave me another warm smile. The more that I observed him the more I noticed just how charismatic he was.

"Oh no, I know we've never met, it's just that you are...well…like I said you just remind me of someone and it caught me off guard. I'm sorry again."

"You don't have to apologize; I actually get that a lot. Its strange how that works, but I guess I just have one of those faces." He shrugged. Except it was a lot more than his face that had me so perplexed right now.

"Yeah, I guess so. Well listen, I have to get to work now and you should probably get back." I really wanted out of this room; I was too embarrassed to look at him any longer.

"Well I will see you later, OK?" Oh yeah I'm sure he really wanted to see me later. If I were him I would probably be avoiding me like the plague. He had to think I was out of my mind.

"Um…yeah…sure." I said as I walked out of the break room.

I was utterly mortified. So I spent the entire day trying to avoid walking by the front desk. I just couldn't bring myself to see him right now. Once I was able to calm down from the humiliation I began to contemplate just how all too familiar he seemed. There had only been one person in the entire world that made my body and mind react to their touch like that. The way that Michael had made me feel was something that most people, if not all, only read about. I, somehow, was lucky enough to experience that twice, how could that be? What is going on in the universe right now?

The more I thought about things it dawned on me that Michael's purpose in my life must have been to open my mind and my heart again so I would be ready for when love came knocking at my door. I've always been somewhat intuitive and perhaps the way Michael made me feel was almost a premonition of sorts giving me a taste of what was to come. Was Chris the real deal? Is he love knocking on my door? How am I supposed to know for sure? I definitely felt the power surge through me and I know I want more of it. That feeling, my God, it's like a drug that you can't get enough of. Did he feel it too though? God, what am I thinking? What if he didn't feel that spark too? Michael's actions really showed that he felt it; he had to have, right? Chris, though, well his actions didn't really seem to show that he did.

"Stop it! Stop it Ali. You are going to drive yourself crazy over-analyzing every little thing. You just have to be patient and let things happen the way they are meant to." I told myself.

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. Every person you meet has a purpose in your life. You may not always know the reasons why right away, it may take weeks, months, or years but there's always a reason. I know I felt something when I shook Chris's hand and perhaps it is the start of something great, but only time will tell. I just have to let life run its course.

By the end of the work day I was beyond exhausted from all the overwhelming emotions and the frenzy I worked myself into. As I was putting away all my files for the day I heard a soft yet deep familiar voice from behind me.

"Hello again." I cringed a bit knowing that I would now have to face the one man I didn't want to see right now. Even after everything I thought about today I still wasn't quite ready to actually talk to him yet. I was still drowning in my embarrassment for the way I had acted, not only this morning but since I met him.

"Hi Chris" I said as I turned around to face him. When I looked at him he seemed nervous again, completely opposite from the confident man I spoke to this morning.

"Alissa," he began, "I um…I was…I wanted to ask you something." Why was he suddenly so nervous?

"Sure, go ahead" I told him.

"Well…I um…I was wondering…I don't know if this is even OK to ask or not, but I was wondering if you would like to maybe have dinner sometime?" I didn't know what to say. I stood there for a moment pondering his question. Could this mean what I thought it meant? Had he felt what I felt? Before I could finish my internal questioning he added, "I mean just as friends, of course. I don't really know too many people in town and you seem nice. Kevin has had a lot of great things to say about you as well so I just thought maybe I could get to know you a little better." Dammit! The dreaded 'just as friends' thing. Well I guess that answers my question. I was alone in the spark department.

I tried to mask my disappointment as I answered, "Um…sure that would be fine. We can uh…trade phone numbers and set something up sometime."

"Oh no!" he exclaimed. I'm sorry; did he not want me to have his number for some reason? "I mean um…I don't have a phone at the moment. I actually just moved in to my place and haven't had time to set that up yet." Yup, I almost over-reacted again.

"Oh, OK then. I understand."

He then interrupted before I could continue, "I can just pick you up on Friday night say around 7 o'clock, how 'bout that?"

"Sure, that's cool." I wrote down my address for him and then we said our goodbyes.

As the week went on we didn't speak at work very much, the occasional "hello" when we passed each other, but that was it. I found myself glancing in his direction many times however, and I was surprised when I caught him looking at me, watching me. Our eyes would meet for only a second before he turned away and I swore I saw him blush once or twice. It was small moments like that made my heart flutter. It gave me hope.

Before I knew it, it was Friday, our first "date". I guess you could not really call two co-workers going out to dinner as friends a date really, but if this was going to bloom into something more, which I was still hopeful of, much to my own surprise, this would be considered our first date. After careful consideration of what to wear, I decided on a baby pink sweater dress. I wanted to look nice as this is the first time Chris would see me outside of my usual attire that consisted of hospital scrubs, but I didn't want to overdo it as this wasn't a "real date".

I was ready to go when I heard the grandfather clock in the dining room strike. It was 7 o'clock. As soon as the clock stopped chiming the door bell rang. In that instant I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I was nervous about how this evening would go. I had a feeling that I would be able to learn a little more about Chris' intentions when we were alone and outside of work.

I opened the door to find Chris standing in front of me with a dozen pink roses. I was completely caught off guard as I wasn't expecting flowers from a man who only wanted to be friends. He greeted me with that warm smile of his and though his stature was full of confidence his eyes told a different story. He was nervous, just as I was.

"I…wow…you look…just wow…you look…"

I giggled nervously before cutting in. "I hope that your lack for words is a good thing and not a bad thing."

"Are you kidding? It's a great thing!" His face was full of excitement but quickly became serious for a moment, "Really though, you look beautiful."

"You look great as well." He wore a red satin shirt with a black tie, a black suit coat that matched his black slacks, and black loafers. I was beginning to notice he had a thing for the color red and for black loafers. Every day this week you could find something on him that was red and he wore a pair of black loafer's everyday, but each day they were slightly different in design. He never wore the same pair twice the whole week. He quite possibly could've owned more shoes than me at that rate.

We stood there just staring at each other for a few moments. The sparkle in his eye and the warm smile made me think that perhaps there was a bit more to tonight. Again, I was hopeful. I could have spent the entire night just looking into those brown eyes and would have been content but I was getting a bit hungry so decided to break the silence.

"The flowers are beautiful."

He held them out towards me, "Oh…yeah…um these are for you. On the way over here I saw them and they reminded me of you for some reason, so I just had to get them for you. I know that this isn't a real date or anything and we're just friends but something compelled me to get these." There he goes with the friend thing again. Every time I saw a glimmer of hope he made sure to remind me of what this all meant to him. Damn.

"I love them, thank you. Pink roses are my favorite, actually. Why don't you come in while I just put these in some water?"

As we walked towards the kitchen I noticed him carefully observing every detail of my apartment. "You have a lovely place. It seems so warm and cozy, I like that."

"Thank you." I told him as I placed the roses in the vase. He followed me to the living room where I placed the vase on the table that sat in front of my bay window.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm ready." He reached for my hand and I happily took it. When I placed my hand in his it instantly seemed to meld into his and there was that feeling again. If only he knew what his touch did to me. I tried my hardest to hide what I was feeling and played it off as though everything was completely normal as he escorted me out to his car.

When I looked up and saw the vehicle that he was leading me to I stopped dead in my tracks and I swear my jaw hit the floor. He chuckled, "Are you ok?"

"I…I'm…wow…um…a limo? Wow…I uh…" I was speechless. No man had ever taken me out in a limousine before. Hell, no guy even bought me flowers before.

"I hope your lack for words is a good thing and not a bad thing" he said returning my own line from earlier.

"Yes, it's a very good thing." I said with a smile. "This is far more than I would have expected. You didn't have to go through any of this trouble. I'm sure that it's not cheap to rent a limo. You really didn't have to…" He cut me off right there.

"Hey, it's no trouble at all. You seem like a good person and you deserve to have a nice night and that's what I am here to give to you." His words, that smile, and the look in his eyes made me want to melt into a pool of liquid. Was this guy real? He seemed to be perfect, just amazingly perfect.

The ride to the restaurant was quiet, neither of us spoke the whole time, but he never let go of my hand. It was a small thing but to me it meant so much, more than he could know. When we arrived to our destination he helped me out of the limo and we were escorted to a very private area of the restaurant. We walked through a beautiful arch that had two roman columns, one on each side and, to my surprise, the room before us, lit only by firelight, was empty. I found it very odd that we would be the only two people in this room on a Friday night. This was an upscale, very desirable place to dine and yet here we were, alone.

We were brought over to the table directly in front of a large stone fireplace which was adorned with dozens of pink roses on the mantle and petals scattered at the base. Chris held out my chair for me and slid it in as I sat down, such a gentleman. Our table for two was covered with a fine white cloth and it too had pink rose petals spread out across the top. In the center were two pink candles, shaped like roses, floating across the water contained in an ornate crystal bowl.

The atmosphere was entrancing. I imagine that most women could only dream of a man doing all of this for them; the limo, the complete privacy at what should be a very busy restaurant, the scent of her favorite flower filling the air. It would be the most amazing thing for a man to do for his woman if he was going to propose to her, yet that's not what the case was here. This was just a first date. Actually, not even that. This wasn't even a date. I mean he said as such many times. It was though he was trying to convince me of that. Wait a minute. He was trying to convince me. Could it be that he thought if he said he wanted to take me out on a date that I would say no? Is that why he kept re-establishing that it wasn't a date? I mean, honestly, who goes through all this trouble when it's not a date? This whole evening must have cost a fortune. A fortune? He really didn't have to go through so much trouble for me.

"Chris, wow this is incredible. How on earth did you arrange all of this?"

He blushed a little but managed to keep his voice calm and cool. "It was no big deal. I told you before; I just want you to have an enjoyable night."

"Thank you so much. You have really gone above and beyond and I'm more than grateful for it all, thank you."

"You're welcome" he said with that smile that made me melt. There was something really special about Chris and I sensed that I would learn more and more every day just how special he really was.

"So Alissa, how long have you worked at the hospital?" He asked as we began to look over our menus.

"I've been there oh, about a year now. When I graduated high school I went right into training for Massage Therapy. There are so many different modalities, but working with ill children was what grabbed me the most during school. So, after I graduated, I continued my education in that area and then was able to get the job I have now."

"Do you enjoy it? I mean are you happy with the choice you made?"

"Of course. I absolutely love my job. It was definitely the right choice for me, well at the time anyway."

"What do you mean?" He seemed genuinely interested to learn more. It was strikingly odd to me. Most people I went out on dates with always ended up talking about themselves. Chris and only one other guy I've met were actually interested in me more than they were interested in talking about themselves. Of course, the other guy was Michael. I tried not to think of him and just concentrate on the person that was in front of me, but the conversation had gone in a direction that made me think of him. Michael was the reason, after all, that I was even considering a career change.

"Well, I love my job, I really do, but recently I met someone who made me look at some things a little differently." Chris leaned forward seeming even more interested.

"What kinds of things?"

"Many things, actually. As far as my career though, well ever since I was young I could sing, as well as write and dance. I loved to do it and just had such a passion for the art. I would perform with my two best friends in talent shows and just local things. As we became older though people began to tell us that we really had talent and that we could really make it in the music world. My two friends went down that path; I however did not and took the path I did instead."

"Wow, that's awesome. I didn't know you could sing. That's incredible. I always wished that I could sing. I sing in the shower when no one else is around but I'm terrible, I know, so I would never sing in front of other people." He chuckled. "So, if you don't mind me asking, why did you choose not to follow your friends?"

"I was terrified, honestly. As much as I enjoy singing and performing all of the other things that come along with the music business scare the hell out of me. You see, I am dreadfully afraid of large crowds of people. I am shy and quiet and like to keep to myself, I like to observe other people not be the one being observed, you know?"

"Oh I know exactly what you mean. I am very much the same way. I enjoy analyzing other people, really analyzing everything around me. I like to internally think about things and rarely do I find I can confide in other people. I can see why you would be reluctant to pursue a career in a field that is very public then. This person you are talking about, did they change your mind about the music business?"

"Sort of. He just got me to see a whole other side to it, the rewarding side of it. Even though being a singer and songwriter can bring a lot of stress from various directions, you have an opportunity to reach out to so many people. I always have had a desire to help people and so my career choice made me happy because I was able to do that, but the things that this man does to help people seems to put what I do to shame."

"Alissa, I don't think that there is anything shameful about what you do. You help people, children, and you shouldn't ever sell yourself short."

"It's not that I'm selling myself short. I know that what I do makes a difference. I just want to be able to do more. I want to bring more happiness and joy to the world and I have been blessed with a gift that could allow me to do that." Chris' eyes were full of light, his expression was…well it was almost proud. "I haven't decided, yet, what I am going to do. It's just something that I have been doing a lot of thinking about."

"Well I am sure that you will figure out what is best for you. You seem to be very similar to me and if you are that similar you will be sure to look at this choice from every angle and when you finally make that decision you will know, in your heart and mind that it's without a doubt the right choice to make."

"Definitely. It's just not something I can rush."

"So who is the man that you met that made you think about all of this? Is he someone in the music business himself?"

"Um…well…yeah he is but I would rather not say who he is. I'd like to protect his privacy, I'm sorry." It surprised that me that Chris seemed so pleased with my answer. I expected him to try to pull out of me who I was talking about, as it was obviously someone famous, but he let it go.

"Don't be sorry. It's very admirable. Most people who meet anyone famous can't sell their story to others fast enough. It's rare to find someone who understands that even famous people are still people and have a right to privacy just like everyone else. Whoever it is, he seems to have had quite an effect on you."

"Yes he really did. He opened my eyes to so many things and I am very grateful for that."

The conversation was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. I didn't feel right talking to Chris about another man, especially one that had given me the feelings that Michael had. Chris was giving me the same feelings and I only wanted to concentrate on him. Michael was in the past. He was no longer in my life. Chris was here now and I wanted to give him my full attention.

Thankfully, the waiter came to take our order and it broke up the conversation. After he had taken our order Chris and I both sat just listening to the music that was filling the room. I was horrible at starting conversations so I hoped that soon he would fill in the silence between us. It didn't take too long before he did.

"So when you are not working, what do you like to do for fun?" He asked. Sadly, I didn't have much of an answer. I didn't really do a lot with the little free time that I had. Jess and Karina both had very busy lives and lived with their boyfriends. So they spent most of their free time with them and so I pretty much stayed home for the most part. I could never go out somewhere by myself to try to meet people, that's just not my thing at all.

"Well, I don't really do anything too exciting. It's hard for me to go out and meet new people. I have a few good friends but when they aren't free I just stay at home. I like to relax, ya know? Take a bubble bath or curl up and read a good book. I guess I'm kind of a "homebody". When I do go out, though, I love to go dancing. I took ballroom dancing lessons awhile back and really enjoyed that a lot. My friends prefer a different type of dancing so I don't get to ballroom dance that often anymore, but still I love all dancing."

"Ballroom dancing, huh? So you know how to waltz?"

"Yeah, I know more than that though. I learned many different dances; waltz, tango, rumba, salsa, cha-cha, and more. So ballroom dancing, but also a lot of Latin dance."

"That's really cool. I…"

Just then the waiter brought us our salads and drinks so the conversation again was cut short. The waiter told us our entrees would be out soon. After he walked away silence filled the room for awhile, again.

Dinner was mostly quiet. Neither of us really said that much. He looked to be deep in thought and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. Although he started the topics of conversation, I had done most of the talking. He hadn't said very much about himself so it was hard to guess what he could be thinking. He did see extremely interested in learning about me, though, and I have to assume that's a very good sign.

After dinner was over he glanced up at me with a shy smile and asked, "Would you like to dance?" He held his hand out across the table for me and I didn't hesitate to take it in my own.

He led me over to the dance floor which was in the center of the room. There was a roman column, just like the ones at the entrance to the room, which sat at each of the four corners of the dance floor. Each column had white, twinkling lights wrapped around them creating a very romantic ambiance. Hand in hand we walked to the center of the floor and he raised my right hand up that was entwined in his left. He slowly brought his right arm around my body and placed his hand on my lower back while I raised my left arm to place my hand on his shoulder just as a new song began, "Sway" by Dean Martin. It seemed so strange that somehow everything was falling into place so perfectly. Chris couldn't have possibly known about my favorite flower or my favorite songs, yet there were pink roses everywhere and we were about to dance to one of my favorite songs to dance to.

"Rumba?" He asked. I was completely taken aback. He knew what kind of dance to do to this song? I nodded my head and he began to lead our bodies into a very slow, sensual, romantic dance as the words began to come through the speakers.

When marimba rhythms start to play  
Dance with me, make me sway  
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore  
Hold me close, sway me more

Like a flower bending in the breeze  
Bend with me, sway with ease  
When we dance you have a way with me  
Stay with me, sway with me

Other dancers may be on the floor  
Dear, but my eyes will see only you  
Only you have the magic technique  
When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins  
Long before it begins  
Make me thrill as only you know how  
Sway me smooth, sway me now

Our bodies moved together seamlessly. I was in awe of his talent as he made me move in ways that I had never known. Rumba is the Latin dance of love, but also lust. If you have ever seen a professional performance of this dance you would know how very easily it can become almost sexual.

My body temperature was rising as he twirled me around pulling me into him as my chest pressed hard against his and my right leg rose to curl around his body. Our eyes met for a moment before I spun out of his hold and we swayed our hips to the rhythm of the music. The dance is meant to be a tease, the man tries to pull her in but when he gets too close she pushes away leaving him wanting her more. The look in his eyes told me our dance was having that very effect on him.

When the song came to an end he held me close to his body and we became lost in each other's eyes. Our breathing was heavy and our hearts were racing. We stood there for quite some time coming down from our high. My body slightly quivered from the sensory overload I had just experienced. I thought touching his hand electrified me, but that was nothing compared to the shock wave my body just felt as our bodies entwined. As we looked into each other's eyes I waited for the moment. I saw the look in his eyes and knew it matched mine. The only thing that would satisfy our sudden needs was for our lips to meet. He slowly began to lean in as I began to close my eyes…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – All Good Things Must Come To An End**

CRASH!

We both jumped and looked to the direction of the sound. The waiter stood above a tray of now broken dishes that lay on the floor. What horrible, absolutely horrible, timing. I looked over at Chris who was looking back at me and biting his bottom lip. He shrugged his shoulders and then we both broke out in uncontrollable laughter. I think we both felt a little embarrassed given that the waiter quite possibly just saw our entire little show. Apparently we weren't the only ones all hot and bothered.

"It is getting late. Come on, I'll take you home." Chris said after our laughter began to die down. So after thanking the wait staff he led me, hand in hand, back to the car.

The ride home was just as quiet as the ride there. I was deep in thought and I'm sure that he was too. I thought back over the evening and about how incredible it all was. It was without question the most romantic night of my life. I don't know how he arranged it all; the flowers, the limo, the private room at such a luxurious restaurant, the music and the dancing. Everything was perfect. I couldn't have dreamt up a more mind-blowing evening. There was only one flaw in the night. We didn't get to share in the sweet kiss that was so close I could almost taste it. Perhaps the interruption was a sign that it wasn't supposed to happen, just yet. I don't believe in accidents. There was a reason why the waiter dropped the tray of dishes and it's because that moment, as perfect as it seemed, was just not the right time to have our first kiss. I'm not sure why it wasn't the right moment yet, but I know that with time I will have my answer.

When we arrived to my apartment Chris helped me out of the limo and began to escort me to my door, hand in hand once again. I swore his hand fit like a puzzle piece in mine. I loved the feel of his long fingers entwined with mine. Just the touch of his hand did things to me that no one has ever done to me with any part of their body. This thought made me long for the feel of his lips on mine. I quickly realized I wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet. The night was still young and I wanted more of him. Just his presence alone was exciting to me. The whole aura of a room changed if he was in it.

"Um…would you like to come in for a little while?" I asked him in a shy, quiet voice. It was a bold move for me, I admit, but I just needed to feel that energy from him for just a little while longer.

"Yeah, uh…sure, I'd like that. Give me one moment to let the driver know, OK?" His face gave away that he was a little surprised but he happily accepted my offer. I barely had the chance to nod my OK before he was off to notify the driver of his change of plans.

As I waited for him to return I sat in the lobby of the building wondering what in the world I had just done. I invited him back to my place. I had no plan for what would come next, none at all. My asking him to stay for awhile was completely an act of impulse, but now what? More importantly what was he expecting to happen now? Oh God, does he think that I invited him in to…well…you know?

"Hey," the sound of Chris' voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "All set. I told the driver I would call him when I was ready to go." He held out his hand for me, again, and I gladly took it. His touch soothed my mind and suddenly it didn't really matter anymore what happened tonight, so long as I was with him.

"Make yourself comfortable while I get us some wine." I told Chris when we walked into my apartment. Chris began to remove his jacket while I walked into the dining room to get our drinks. When I returned, I found him sitting upright on the far right side of the sofa. Hadn't I told him to make himself comfortable? He surely didn't look it. He actually looked a little bit nervous. He sat straight up with perfect posture and his hands were neatly folded in his lap. He was biting his lip and tapping his right foot rapidly. I wondered what was going through his mind that had him so nervous suddenly. Hopefully some conversation will help to relax him.

"So Chris, tell me about your self. We hardly spoke about you at dinner." I said as I placed down both glasses of wine and took my seat at the far left side of the sofa.

"What would you like to know?" He returned my question with one of his own. Without looking at me he reached for his glass and took a large gulp. It was a good question. I didn't know where to begin. I wanted to know EVERYTHING about him. Then something came to mind.

"You didn't tell me you could dance like THAT. I had no idea you even knew how to dance and yet you blew me away." He bit his bottom lip and with his head still facing forward he looked over at me before his mouth stretched into a sly smile. "Where did you learn how to dance like that?" I asked before taking a rather large sip of my own glass of wine.

"Well, I've been dancing for as long as I can remember. It's just something I've always loved doing. I've spent many years observing everyone I can and spending every free moment I have trying new things and working to improve myself." He began to relax back into the sofa as he spoke. Knowing that he was no longer so nervous I took the opportunity to move a little closer to him. To my surprise, the action only seemed to relax him more. Not only did he not move away from me, but he actually scooted himself a little closer to the middle of the sofa as well.

"Wait, are you saying you taught yourself how to dance like that? You've never had any formal teaching?" I wasn't as surprised as my voice made me sound. The way he moved his body with such precision and rhythm, well it's just not something you can really teach. You can teach someone steps but rhythm is something you're born with and boy did he have rhythm.

"Not exactly. I have worked with many professionals over the years that have shared their great knowledge with me. Dancing is something that you have to feel though. You have to just let go and let your body become one with the music. A dancer just interprets the sounds and accompaniment of the music. If there's a driving bass you become the bass. If there's a cello, if there's a string, you become that. You become the emotion of what that sound is, ya know?" He spoke with such passion and conviction about dancing that I was truly impressed. It made me want to hear him speak even more.

"You're absolutely right. I couldn't have said it better myself. I do have to say, you really captivated the emotion of the music tonight." I smiled slyly with a mischievous look in my eye. He looked away, biting his bottom lip as his face turned crimson. After a few moments he turned to look at me with an almost seductive look and he leaned in towards me, bringing his mouth right up to my ear.

"You were quite impressive your self, girl." His low whisper sent chills down my spine. The smell of his all too familiar cologne swam through my nostrils. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply to allow his scent to fully intoxicate me. I held it in for as long as I could before releasing the warm breath that brushed along his neck. At that moment he pulled back and looked into my eyes searching them for answers to questions that he dared not ask aloud. I know that's what he was doing because I was doing the same.

"Alissa?" His voice so low it was almost inaudible.

"Yes, Chris?" I responded just as softly.

"I want to tell you something. This is not easy for me to say." He looked as though he was scared to say whatever it was.

"What is it?" I asked, unsure if I really wanted to know at this point. The fear in his eyes and the growing silence was beginning to make me paranoid.

"I'm…well…you see…I…" His struggle was tearing at my heart a bit. I had no idea what he wanted to say but it was clearly difficult for him to get out.

"It's OK. You can tell me." I spoke sincerely placing my hand on top of his hand that rested in his lap. He placed his other hand over mine and looked down at our hands as he began.

"It's just that…well…Alissa you seem like a really nice girl and I don't want to scare you away, but truthfully, I'm a little scared myself. I…I can't really explain it exactly, but you make me feel something, something that no one has ever made me feel before. I know that we hardly know each other and yet I feel like you're all I want to know. Since the moment I met you I've felt as though I am a different person, a better person. I feel this magnetic pull towards you. I know that must sound crazy but I do. I don't know what you are doing to me, girl, but I like it and yet I'm a little scared by the strength of the emotions I am feeling."

Wow. I can't believe it. He really did feel the things that I felt. I honestly didn't know if I would ever have the courage to tell him what I felt, but he did. He was still looking down at our hands waiting for me to say something. He looked nervous and afraid as he waited for my reaction but I wasn't sure exactly what to say. I had definitely not expected this. His eyes peered up at me through long lashes and when he saw me just staring at him he quickly looked back down.

"I'm so sorry. You must think I'm crazy. I really don't want to scare you away." His voice was quiet, again, and this time a bit shaky.

"No, no, no." He looked up at me as I spoke. "You don't have to be sorry, I don't think you're crazy, and you definitely haven't scared me away." I paused for a moment and looked away. The pink roses caught my eye and I felt a warmth wash over me. I turned back and looked down at our hands as I continued, "Chris, I know that what you are feeling is hard to put into words. I know this because it's everything that I have been feeling. Each time that I've touched you I feel this electricity surge through my body. It's the strangest thing and so hard to explain. I thought I was going crazy, myself. You have had quite the effect on me Chris and it scares me too."

He leaned over and placed his right hand under my chin to pull my face up to look into his eyes. The fear that was in his eyes only moments ago had vanished and now all that was left was joy and adoration. "Your touch has had the very same effect on me. It's unlike anything that I have ever felt before. I didn't know what to make of it at first. It really scared me, but Alissa, after tonight I am certain of what I want it to mean. I know that I told you we would just be friends and if that's ultimately what you want then I will gladly take it. I know that I want you in my life in whatever capacity I can get, but I would really like this to be more than a friendship Alissa. You are the only woman I see, the only woman I want. I want to learn everything there is to know about you and I hope that you will give me that chance."

He had a way with words, that's for sure. His words made me melt, as did everything else about him. I suddenly felt a little guilty though because I had felt very similar things with someone else, but for many reasons I knew I could never tell him. I swallowed my guilt and tried to push it away and let my happiness take over me. He wanted to be more than friends and so did I.

"Chris, I want nothing more than to get to know you too. I want to know you inside and out. There's something so special about you, so magical. I want to spend as much time as I can with you. I've hoped for some time now that this would lead to more than just a friendship and I'm so happy that you feel the same way."

"Oh girl, come here." He said as he held his arms open for me. I immediately fell into his warm embrace. He wrapped himself around me holding me tight to his body. The feeling was indescribable and this time I knew, for sure, he felt the same way. We held onto each other for a long while and just took it all in. Eventually we pulled away, slowly. We looked into each other's eyes and I, for the second time that night, waited for his lips to reach mine.

He began to move his face closer to mine when we were suddenly interrupted, again. My cat, Gizmo, jumped up onto the sofa in between us demanding attention. We pulled away from each other and began to laugh. "I'm sorry. Let me go get her some milk." I looked over at our wine glasses and noticed they were just about empty. "Would you like some more wine?"

"I'd love some." He said in between chuckles.

I walked into the kitchen to get Gizmo some milk and naturally she followed knowing what was coming. In my head I was cursing her for her awful timing. Maybe tonight was not the night for sweet kisses after all.

After giving Gizmo her milk I went to the dining room to fill our wine glasses and while doing so I got an idea.

"Hey, how about you show me some more of your dance moves." I said walking back into the living room and handing Chris his glass.

"Sure, sounds good." He chuckled a little and then took a large sip of his wine while I reached for the remote to put on the music. I hit play and "our song" came blasting through the speaker.

At night when the stars shine

I pray in you I'll find

A love so true…

I immediately switched it off. It wasn't the song I shared with Chris, but the song I shared with Michael. After I met Michael I listened to that song, exclusively, for weeks. Once I had given up on him contacting me I had stopped listening to the song and obviously, now, all music. "Oops. Sorry about that, wrong song." I walked over to the stereo to change it to something else.

"Wait, was that Michael Jackson?" Chris asked with a smile.

"Um…yeah."

"That's cool. You like him?"

Oh boy.

"Well, yeah, I mean his music is great." I was not enjoying this conversation at all. I hoped Chris wasn't that good at reading people so he wouldn't see the discomfort I tried hard to mask.

"We seem to have the same taste in music then. I love that album; there are a lot of good songs on there. You know, I saw him when he performed here in L.A. a few months ago. I wish I would've known you then cause I would've taken you."

"Oh. I went to one of those shows actually. My friends got tickets for my birthday."

"Really? Did you enjoy the show?"

Stop, stop, stop. Please just stop. "Yeah, it was…well…yeah, it was a good show." I finally found a different album I wanted to play and went to change it out but he stopped me.

"Hey leave that one in. There's a really good rumba on that album." He reached over to the stereo to find the song he wanted. I inwardly cringed not really wanting to dance with him to any Michael Jackson song. It made me feel guilty.

When the song began to play he led me to the center of the room and we began to dance. Then something changed. Suddenly I felt OK. Actually, I was more than OK. He moved his body as though the music was a part of him. I relaxed and allowed my own body to become part of the music and listened to the words as they seemed somewhat fitting to our newly admitted feelings.

Liberian girl...  
You came and you changed  
My world  
A love so brand new  
Liberian girl...  
You came and you changed  
Me girl  
A feeling so true

Liberian girl  
You know that you came  
And you changed my world,  
Just like in the movies,  
With two lovers in a scene  
And she says...  
"Do you love me"  
And he says so endlessly...  
"I love you, Liberian girl"

(Naku penda piya-naku taka  
Piya-mpenziwe)  
(I love you too- I want you  
Too-my love)

Liberian girl...  
More precious than  
Any pearl  
Your love so complete  
Liberian girl...  
You kiss me then,  
Ooh, the world  
You do this to me

Liberian girl  
You know that you came  
And you changed my world,  
Just like in the movies,  
With two lovers in a scene  
And she says,  
"Do you love me"  
And he says so endlessly  
"I love you, Liberian girl"

(Naku penda piya-naku taka  
Piya-mpenziwe)  
(I love you too-I want you  
Too-my love)

Liberian girl  
You know that you came  
And you changed my world,  
I wait for the day,  
When you have to say "I do"  
And I'll smile and say it too  
And forever we'll be true 

I love you, Liberian girl  
All the time  
I love you Liberian girl,  
All the time  
I love you Liberian girl,  
All the time  
I love you Liberian girl,  
All the time  
I love you  
I love you baby  
I want you  
I love you baby  
ooh! I love you baby,

I want you baby, ooh!

Our second dance with each other was a bit different from the first. It was so much better. It was more than two bodies fluidly moving together. This time, it was far deeper than that. We emotionally connected and it was as if our very souls were melding together and moving as one. Chris had truly changed my world and in such a short time. He came in and swept me off my feet just like they do in the movies. It was a fitting song choice and for some reason I didn't feel so guilty about it anymore, but I couldn't quite understand why. The song just seemed to fit for more than one reason.

"Incredible." I breathed.

"Pardon?" I snapped out of my love-induced coma at the sound of his voice. He loosened his grip on me and pulled away so he could see my face.

"Oh. I mean those moves were incredible. You are an amazing dancer."

"Thank you. You're too kind." He blushed.

"I mean it. I've never danced with someone who moves like you do."

"Ya know, come to think of it, neither have I." His voice trailed off and he looked a little surprised by his realization.

I pulled away from him and walked back over to the table to get the remote to turn off the stereo which was now playing "Just Good Friends". I didn't want him to get any crazy ideas so I figured it best to turn off the music and go back to talking.

Hours had past and we had spent the entire time drinking wine and talking. We talked about anything and everything. It had been so long since I had done that with anyone let alone a man. It just felt so natural and right.

At one point during the conversation, several glasses of wine in, I had to ask him how he was able to afford the date we had. Had it not been for the wine making me feel so bold I never would have asked. I know that I made more money than him at the hospital and I, myself, could never have afforded that.

"So Chris, tell me how on earth were you able to make this dream date happen tonight? I know the hospital can't be paying you THAT much and if they are I need to have a talk with somebody about my own salary." I joked.

"No, my paycheck at the hospital would never have been able to pay for this evening." He laughed. "Actually a friend of mine, who happens to be fairly wealthy, helped me pay for tonight."

"Really? That's some friend."

"Well, you see, I was talking to him about you and I told him that I wanted to take you out on a date. I told him I wanted to do something really special for you so he offered his help with the financial end of things." I felt bad that his friend did all that but at the same time I was happy that Chris clearly has a good friend in his life, just like I have Jess and Karina.

"You should feel very blessed to have such a great friend like that. Please thank him for me because this night truly was amazing. It's really been one of the best nights of my life."

"I wish I could make every night with you this special but you should know that tonight was a one time thing. I will continue to give you my best but I will not be able to match this evening. I'm sorry for that." He seemed a little sad at that fact but I completely understood. He didn't have a lot of money and I was more than okay with that. It didn't bother me at all actually.

"Chris, money doesn't mean everything. You can have all the money in the world and still be unhappy. My feelings for you have nothing to do with your wallet. It's what's inside you that makes me feel the way I do. Honestly, you could have no money at all and my feelings for you wouldn't change at all." I really meant that too. I will always choose love over money.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. So many women out there only care about money and I've seen them use men for it. I'm relieved to know that you are not like that."

"I'm really not. I can't understand any person who is that way. Money doesn't buy happiness, I firmly believe that. It's like The Beatles said, "All you need is love." I joked and we both laughed.

We continued to talk for what I assume was a few more hours. I had lost track of the time and in all honesty I didn't even care what time it was. I could talk to that man for days on end and not get bored. Eventually though my eyes would just not co-operate. Chris had told me that he gave the best foot massages so I of course needed to see this for myself. I rested my head on a throw pillow propped up against the armrest of the sofa and stretched my legs out placing my feet on his lap. While he was rubbing my feet the talking became minimal and I was fighting a losing battle to keep my eyes open.

I was somewhere in between consciousness and unconsciousness when I felt him get up and whisper something to me about a phone before walking out of the room. I was trying to stay awake until he came back but I couldn't help it. I was just starting to doze off when I felt his hand on my arm.

"I'm going to leave now." He leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Goodnight beautiful." As he pulled away he placed a soft, gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Mmm…goodnight." I managed to mumble. He then grabbed the blanket that draped over the back of the sofa and carefully placed it on top of me. I felt the back of his hand lightly rub my cheek and he leaned over to place one final tender kiss on my forehead before he left. After I heard the door close I completely surrendered to the sleep I had been trying dearly to fight off and hoped that I would have pleasant dreams of him.

….

I awoke early the next morning as the sun shone through the large bay window in the living room. It took me a few moments to remember that I had fallen asleep on the sofa. I looked over to the window and smiled as the early morning sun cast its glow on the pink roses that sat on the table.

I looked over at the clock that hung on the wall and noticed it was just after eight. I immediately jumped up and ran to the bathroom to take a shower. Before I had begun to fall asleep last night Chris had invited me to have lunch with him at his new home in Los Olivos. It was a long drive there from my apartment in Encino, about two and a half hours. I was supposed to be there by noon and wanted to give myself a little extra time in case I got lost. The directions he gave me seemed to be fairly clear but you never know and I definitely didn't want to be late.

It didn't take too long for me to get ready and soon I was on my way to his house. The drive there was long but I was grateful for it. It gave me time to think about everything that happened the night before. I knew that I had to have been glowing; I just couldn't stop smiling as I played back each moment of the night in my head.

My memory was a little bit fuzzy after he began to massage my feet. He was so sweet to do that. I tried hard to remember what happened after that. I remember him getting up to use the phone to call for his ride, I assume. "Then what happened?" I asked myself. It took awhile for me to recall but soon I remembered. He whispered, "Goodnight beautiful" into my ear and kissed me on the cheek. He then covered me with a blanket and rubbed my cheek with his hand before placing one final kiss on my forehead.

Wait a minute.

He kissed my cheek. The way he whispered in my ear, the way his lips felt against my skin. Suddenly something in my head just clicked and I ran through everything in my head.

A mysterious man, with no prior experience, manages to land a job at a hospital that has never hired anyone without experience. He was shy and nervous when he first met me and afraid to touch me. Then the next day he had an excuse ready for why he wouldn't shake my hand. When he did shake my hand I felt that energy course through me. He asked me out after really only having one very short conversation. He wore red somewhere on him everyday and wore black loafers daily. He shows up to my place with my favorite flowers, takes me out in a limo, and brings me to a high class restaurant that is virtually void of any other people. The restaurant was clearly decorated special for the date. Then the music and the dancing, no wonder he danced so well.

Then there were the conversations we had. Some of his questions and then some of his reactions to my answers I thought seemed a little strange. Now it makes sense. Of course there is the physical aspect too; the brown eyes and that warm, beautiful smile.

It was all an act. The entire thing was an act. He wore a disguise. It was more than the wig, the fake beard and mustache. He completely hid himself behind a mask. He told me he was new to town, that he couldn't shake my hand because of some soda that he spilled on himself. He said he couldn't sing worth a damn. Then told me "a friend" paid for the evening because he was poor and could never afford such a night. Was anything that he came out of his mouth the truth? Of course not, it was all a lie. This was never about me getting to know him. It was about him getting to know me. He was testing me to see if I was good enough for him. This was just some sick, twisted game to him.

Well game over, pal. I don't care how famous or how wonderful people think he is. In my book Michael Jackson is a coward; a lying, deceptive, coward.

I was angry and my car felt the brunt of it at the moment as I floored the accelerator. Why had I not noticed this? I was always great at reading people and yet I hadn't seen this at all. I mean who would have ever thought that the "King of Pop" would get a job at a hospital? I was pissed at him and myself too.

As I drove through the intersection I saw something out of the corner of my eye heading straight toward me. I turned my head to the right and saw a large, black SUV speeding down the road. I slammed on my breaks and my tires screeched across the pavement before the sound of metal crashing filled my ears. Then everything went black and there was nothing, just silence.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – The Phone Call**

Despite only a few hours of sleep I was actually in a great mood. My alarm clock was set for 9:00 am but I never even heard it. Thankfully the sound of the phone ringing incessantly woke me. I often find it difficult to fall asleep, spending most of my nights just lying awake praying for unconsciousness to take over. It seldom comes though. My mind just has a hard time shutting down. I've always been that way and it seems that as the years pass me by my insomnia only increases. Last night was different though. Spending such an amazing evening with an even more amazing woman seemed to put all of my stress at bay and my mind was able to rest comfortably. On the rare occasion that I do fall asleep I am near impossible to wake up. The traditional alarm clock just doesn't seem to be enough to wake me. People have told me I am like a bear hibernating in the winter when I sleep.

This morning Bill Bray, the head of my security, felt the need to ring my phone ceaselessly until I answered. Strange, now that I think about it I cannot recall what he even called for. All I can remember was him commenting on how long the phone rang for before I answered. Oh well, I guess I was just that out of it. I am definitely not a morning person, that's for sure.

After speaking briefly with Bill and seeing that it was already 9:30 am I got out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom to begin my fairly long morning routine. While getting ready I began to feel extremely nervous about my plans for the day. Last night I invited Alissa to come to my home, Neverland, for lunch. My plan is to reveal to her who I really am, but now I'm having cold feet about the whole thing.

When I first decided that I was going to disguise myself it seemed like the perfect plan. I knew that I wanted to get to know her better but I needed a way to be sure that I was learning about the real Alissa and not just a person hiding behind some mask. I can't recall the last time I felt like I had a real genuine conversation with a person. Everyone is always so fake around me, being who they think I want to see instead of just being themselves. What people can't seem to understand is that it leaves me feeling lonelier and more depressed. I feel like I don't know anyone and I guess in reality I don't.

When I first met Alissa she seemed genuine enough but I've been fooled greatly in the past. I wanted; no I needed a way to get to know her for who she really is. A disguise was the perfect way to do that. At first I figured that I could pull off the disguise for awhile, at the very least a few weeks. That should be enough time, I thought, to learn about Alissa and be sure that she was all she seemed to be. That plan changed last night. Of course I am sure that I could have continued to pull it off for awhile longer with no one expecting anything. After all no one would ever be able to see Michael Jackson working behind a desk at a hospital, right? So it wasn't the fear that anyone would suspect me that changed my mind about the length of which I would carry out my plan, it was her.

As the night progressed so too did that pang of guilt I felt in my stomach. Alissa was saying and doing all the right things. Here she thought I was just some average lower middle class guy and yet it didn't matter to her. She still seemed to have all those feelings that she had the first night I met her. When she briefly spoke about our intense meeting she had the opportunity to sell me out. To tell anyone and everyone that she met Michael Jackson and what it was like. She could have used that to her advantage, making herself appear more important because she had received career advice, well sort of, from the "King of Pop". Anyone else would have done so, but she didn't. She wanted to respect my privacy. I don't know of anyone I have ever met that cared about my privacy. No one ever put me before themselves, but in that moment she did.

Another detail from our conversation that really stuck out to me was that money didn't matter to her. When I told her that I really didn't have a lot of money, despite the way the extravagant evening eluded to that fact, she didn't care. She still liked me, still wanted to be with me. Too many people that are in my life are nice to me for one reason, the money. Even many of my own family members always have their hands in my pockets. With Alissa, I now know that I will never have to worry about that.

With each passing moment last night I was drawn to her even more and it's not difficult to see why. This woman has really blown me away and I only want to be closer to her, as close as I can get. Of course there is the physical attraction that I undoubtedly feel but with each word spoken that attraction began to grow far beyond the surface. From the moment I met her she captivated my body and now she is enthralling my mind and soul.

As wonderful as last night was something was off. Something just did not sit well with me and it was through no fault of Alissa, but of me, because I wasn't myself. Sure underneath the superficial disguise it was me. With the exception of a few things, like not being able to sing and having to borrow money to pay for the evening because I was not a wealthy man, I was honest with her. I never once lied to her about anything of importance, like my feelings for her. Yet still, to her, I was Chris and not Michael.

As badly as I yearned to finally feel her lips on mine, I was actually a little grateful for the interruptions. I know that must not sound great but I have my reasons. When we do get to share our first kiss, hopefully the first of many, I want it to be Alissa and Michael not Alissa and some made-up guy who doesn't truly exist. Makes sense, right?

So though my initial intention was to keep up the façade for a few weeks I just cannot bring myself to keep this from her any longer. She's affected me more than I ever thought she could in such a short amount of time. I can't hold it back anymore. She put a rather large crack into one of many walls that I keep up and she should know that. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself but I really feel that she is special and she could be that missing piece of the puzzle I've been searching for my whole life, that person that buries my loneliness for good, that person that fills the void in my heart permanently. I don't want another band-aid I want my heart and mind to heal and be repaired and Alissa Valetta may just be the woman to do it.

Yet here I sit, getting ready to reveal all of this to her and I am nervous. Why am I so nervous? I guess I just wonder if she's still going to want me once she realizes who I really am. It's a strange feeling for me to worry about being accepted. Typically, my fear is whether people are accepting me into their lives because they want something from me or not. With Alissa I already know that she doesn't want anything from me. So now I can't help but worry if she's actually going to like ME. She seems to have taken a liking to me but would she want to be with me as I want her to be? I know that I am not the easiest person to be with. There is just so much that comes with dating a celebrity like me. Will she want that? Will it scare her? I pray that she will be able to look beyond all of that and just see me, just a man who wants her, who needs her.

After finally getting dressed I hurry out of my room to give my staff all of my instructions for the day. Today needs to go perfectly; everything needs to be perfect for her. As I run down the stairs, two at a time, I trip slightly and nearly tumble all the way down. I manage to catch myself in time and quickly look around to ensure no one saw that. I am not a clumsy person and the few moments I've had of clumsiness no one has ever seen and I intend to keep it that way. Thankfully, today that is still the case.

We are going to be having lunch today in one of my gardens. So first I went to pick as many pink roses as I could find. In case you are wondering how I knew pink roses were her favorite well, I'll tell ya. There was nothing supernatural about my knowing her favorite flower or her favorite song. I did have a feeling about the flowers but I didn't want to take a chance on just a feeling. So what did I do? Well I asked one of her best friends.

Last month, when I had decided to go through with this plan of mine I felt that I needed an ally in this. Frank had proven not to be supportive and his attitude cost him his job. He was wrong though, as I did not fire him because of her but rather a long line of incidents where his attitude was similar. As the saying goes, this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Needing someone who could support me in this venture and offer help in some way I sought to reach out to Alissa's two best friends, Jessica and Karina. It wasn't too easy but not too difficult either. They are in the music business after all and so where there's a will there's definitely a way.

Karina seemed to think that what I wanted to do was romantic, in a way; Jessica on the other hand was not as thrilled. As I picked roses I thought back on the night they were invited to my home to meet with me.

….

"Good evening ladies, thank you so much for coming." I stepped aside to allow Jessica and Karina to come in to my home.

"No, thank you for inviting us." Karina gave me a warm smile.

"Wow. So this is where you live? This place is f*cking huge!" Jessica was clearly the most colorful of the three friends. "Sh*t, what I wouldn't give to live in a place like this some day." Yup, definitely the colorful one.

"I suppose I will take that as a compliment. Thank you Ms. Jessica." I tried to saturate my voice in politeness hoping it might rub off on her a bit.

"Oh yeah that was definitely a compliment." She said as her eyes roamed around the entrance scanning the walls and the paintings that hung on them. "Damn, this is f*cking amazing." She said under her breath. Oh well, so much for rubbing off on her.

"Well ladies, if you would kindly join me in the parlor. I have something I would like to discuss with you."

As I led them into the parlor a small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I watched them both admire my home. For me, Neverland was a magical place and I had hoped that my guests would always feel that as well when they were here. It seemed that the magic did not escape either of them as I watched their eyes light up like two kids in a candy store.

"Please have a seat and make yourselves comfortable. Can I get you anything?"

"Oh yes um…I'll ha…" Karina shot Jessica a look which caused her to stop mid-sentence.

"No thank you, we're fine." Karina said sweetly and Jessica just nodded.

"So what is it you wanna talk about?" Jessica questioned.

"OK, well there is something that I am planning to do and I am looking for your help on it but first there's something I would like to explain to you both." They both nodded for me to continue so I did. "You may not have noticed but I was quite taken, I guess you could say, with Alissa that night we first met."

"Oh we noticed all right." Jessica blurted out catching me a little off guard. Was it that obvious? I chuckled a little nervously.

"Well, you see, there's only one problem. All of my life, every person I meet, every person that I get close to has only ever used me to get what they want in one form or another because of who I am. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it is for me to trust someone, especially a woman, because of the way I have been treated in the past."

"We understand, believe me. We actually talked about that specifically." Karina said with understanding written in her eyes.

"I'm glad that you can understand where I am coming from. For the longest time, I have refused to show anyone who I am on the inside. When it comes to women I try to remain indifferent and passive never letting them in. It's worked for a long time but for reasons that I can't fully explain Alissa made me feel…well…differently. I don't know what it was, but something that night changed in me and I didn't know how to handle it. It scared me beyond words but afterwards when I had time to think about it more I realized that I wanted to get to know Alissa more. That night, after the show, I tried to have someone get to her and get her number but I was too late, you guys had already left."

"Oh well, that's no problem. We can give you her number." Karina offered with a smile stretched from ear to ear.

"Thank you, that's very kind of you. I actually have something else in mind though. You see, I know now that I want to get to know Alissa, but when I say I want to get to know her I really mean get to know HER. Being who I am I never get to know people for who they really are, ya know? For some reason people just can't be themselves around me. Instead they become whoever they think I want to see, a person they think I will like. Over the years I have learned how to tell what people are really like just from observing them carefully but sometime that just gets exhausting and sometime I'm not always right in my observations. I am tired of having to fight to find the truth that's hiding behind their masks, ya know? Just once I would like to be able to just get to know someone without them being someone other than themselves."

"Well, of course that's certainly understandable." Karina says warmly.

"Yeah man, can't blame you at all for that." Jessica adds.

"So when thinking of Alissa I wanted to come up with a way that I could get to know her for who she really is and not have to worry about her acting differently towards me because I'm Michael Jackson. As surprising as it is to me I really do want to get closer to her and I will do whatever I have to do to achieve that. Again, I cannot stress enough how much of an impact she has had on me."

"That is so sweet. You should know Michael, that you really had an impact on Ali as well. She would be thrilled if you felt half as much as she did." Hmmm. Ali…I like that.

"Well Karina, believe me when I say that what she made me feel has to be more because I can't imagine anything stronger than what I felt after one evening."

"OK, so what do ya wanna do?" Jessica wonders.

"Well, I…uh…OK here me out on this, OK?" I plead. They both nod an approval and I continue hoping that this doesn't come out the wrong way.

"Well the only thing I can think of to ensure that I am getting to know the real Alissa is if she is unaware of whom I really am. If she's speaking with Michael Jackson then there's always that chance that she will act differently then if I was just a regular guy, ya know? So what if I was just a regular guy?"

"Yeah, well you're not. So, how do you think you are going to pull that off?" Jessica asks.

"I um…well...by wearing a disguise." I cringe as I await their reactions.

"No way. You are one of the most…eh scratch that…you are THE most recognizable person on the planet. There is no way you could wear a disguise and someone not tell who you are." Jessica states matter-of-factly.

"Is that so?" I stand up and start to walk out of the room. "Excuse me; I just have to use the restroom. I'll be right back."

Less than ten minutes later I returned to the parlor, or rather "Chris" did.

"Good evening. Mr. Jackson asked me to give you his apologies; he had to take a phone call. He shouldn't be very long but wanted me to ask you if you would like anything." I spoke to them in my low voice that is seldom heard so it would be unrecognizable to most.

"Thank you, but we are fine." Karina answered for both of them, again. She looked right at me and nothing. No reaction at all. So I turned to Jessica to see if I could fool her just as easily.

"Ma'am, would you like anything?"

"Uh…no, I'm OK." She looked up at me with a rather annoyed expression. "He's not going to be that long is he?" Yup, I definitely had her fooled.

"Oh no ma'am, not long at all." I smiled as I walked over to the seat I had been sitting in before and sat down.

They both gave me kind of a puzzled look. I'm sure they must be wondering what a man who clearly just works here is doing sitting in his bosses seat looking like he is going to mingle with the guests. I removed the wig, the eye glasses and the fake beard and mustache (only leaving in the blue contacts) and watched as their mouths fell open.

"Um…wow. I guess I stand corrected." Jessica admitted.

"That's amazing!" Karina exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's one hell of a disguise. I never would have guessed it was you." Jessica added. "So, OK. Let me get this straight here. You want to get to know Ali while wearing that disguise so she is unaware that you're Michael Jackson?"

"Yes. I remember her telling me that she works at a hospital. So I figure that I can get a job there under a fake name and then I will "meet" her and just go from there."

"Well just how do you figure you are going to get a job at a hospital? I mean I assume you have no experience or any type of medical degree. What are you going to do if you aren't able to get a job there?" Jessica wondered.

"No, I don't have a medical degree but I'm sure you don't need one to work as a receptionist or something like that. Actually, I know the Dean of Medicine there fairly well. I have donated quite a bit of money to that hospital over the years. I am sure that I can ask for a favor." I answer her confidently.

"Oh, I see. Well then, there you go." She mumbles as her arms cross in front of her chest.

"Wow." Karina says.

"What?" I ask her.

"It's just that I can't believe how much trouble you are willing to go through to get to know her. I mean Michael Jackson is going to work at a hospital and risk being noticed in a very public setting all for a girl. You're going to put on what I imagine can't be the most comfortable disguise every day all just to get to know Ali. I think it's sweet and even romantic that you would go through all of that trouble for her." I was so happy that she saw exactly where I was coming from on this. I knew then that I would be able to count on her to help me with.

"I don't know man. I mean I don't know if it's right for you to do this but I guess if this is the only thing you can do then I'll do what I can to try to help." Even though Jessica wasn't as happy with my plan at least she offered to help and that was enough for me.

"Oh thank you both so much. This really means a lot to me. I swear that my intentions are pure. I just want to have this opportunity to put aside the superstar in me and just be a normal guy. I want Alissa and me to have a chance to get to know each other without all that "King of Pop" business getting in the way, ya know?"

….

Jessica and Karina remained true to their word and helped me along the way. One of the things they helped me on was the flowers and the music. I was beyond grateful for everything they had done. Soon, though, they would no longer have to help me cover anything up. Today our future together will begin, Alissa and Michael. I just hope that she will see everything as beautifully as I do.

After I collected the pink roses I proceeded to scatter them along the path from the back door of the house to where the small white cast iron table and two chairs sat in the garden. In the middle of the table I placed a crystal vase with a dozen of the roses inside. The setting was perfect; the woman that would soon be here is perfect. I would let nothing ruin this day.

I then ran into the kitchen and began to tell the chefs what I would like to have prepared for our lunch when I am interrupted by Elsa, one of my maids.

"Excuse me, Mr. Jackson?" Her voice was low and a little urgent.

"Yes Elsa."

"You have a phone call sir."

"Elsa, I am very busy this morning, can you please tell whoever it is that I will call them back later?" I don't have time for phone calls right now. Its 11 o'clock and I have only an hour to finish preparing for my day with Alissa.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jackson but the woman on the phone says it's an emergency and she sounds very upset."

"Well who is it?" I ask with urgency in my own voice now.

"I'm sorry sir but I had a difficult time understanding her, she was a bit hysterical. I think it may have started with a K…"

I hadn't let her finish what she was about to say. I ran as quickly as I could down the hall and into my office to take the phone call. I had this sinking feeling in my stomach and somehow I knew, I just knew, who was on the phone.

I stood there with my hand on the receiver and paused for a moment before picking it up. That sinking feeling in my stomach told me that this was not going to be good news.

"Hello, thi…this…is Michael." My voice had caught in my throat exposing a lump I didn't realize was there until I spoke.

"Oh God…Michael…oh my…oh my God…" Came her words in between her frantic sobbing.

"Karina what…what's wrong?" I felt the lump in my throat grow larger and that feeling in my stomach sink deeper. I was too scared to know the answer to my question.

"Car…she…accident…oh God…why?" She pleaded.

"Car accident? Who Karina? Who? What happened?" I screamed at her now feeling the hot sting of the tears run down my cheeks.

"Alissa. She…she was…she was in a…a car accident."

Oh my God.

"Oh no…" I cried as my voice became barely audible. "I…oh God…is she…is she OK?"

All that came through the line was even louder hysterical screams of pain and I had my answer before Karina even spoke the words.

"Michael, she's gone."

The receiver fell from my hand and I never even heard the sound of it hitting the mahogany of the desk. My legs gave out and I crashed down to the floor with a silent, to me, thud. I laid there on my side with my knees bent up to my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around them. My whole body shook uncontrollably and the tears that fell from my eyes never relented.

My whole world was shattered in that moment. I was broken.

How could this happen? This is not fair. I don't deserve this, she didn't deserve this. She was so young and had such a bright future ahead of her. A future I had so desperately wanted to be a part of. Now it was all gone. Her future, my future, in the blink of an eye everything I saw becoming a reality had vanished.

I laid there, for what was probably hours, in shock. My body would not stop trembling and the tears never ceased. I wanted to block out the whole world and just disappear. I closed my eyes in hopes that the darkness would consume me.

….

I opened my eyes at the sound of a phone ringing. When I looked around I saw that I was lying in my bed and the sun was shining brightly through the large French doors. How did I get here? I looked over at the clock and it read 9:30 am. The phone would not stop ringing so finally I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mike, its Bill. Did I wake you? Man it took you forever to answer the phone." Woah. Something was strange here. What is going on? It's like some sort of Déjà vu.

Wait a minute.

"Bill, what day is it?" I asked him with a sudden urgency.

"It's Saturday. Mike, are you feeling alright, man?" Saturday? That means…oh thank God, it was all a dream. A nightmare. A horrible nightmare. It seemed so real though. Frighteningly real.

"Mike, you there?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm here. Listen Bill, I have to go, OK? I'm sorry." With that I hung the phone up. I was so incredibly relieved. It was just a dream, everything was fine. It was Saturday and Alissa would be here in just a few hours just like we planned.

I got up from bed and walked to the bathroom to begin my morning routine. While in the shower something still didn't feel quite right. I know it was only a dream but in the dream it was Bill's phone call that woke me up that fateful morning. I guess it could just be a coincidence. I mean after all, Bill often woke me up with his phone calls in the morning. I'm sure everything is fine and I'm just being paranoid.

Once I had finally gotten fully dressed I quickly left my bedroom to begin working on the many preparations for my lunch date with Alissa. I ran to the stairs and took them two at a time. Mid-way down, I tripped but caught myself before I fell all the way down.

NO.

It can't be. I don't often find myself tripping down the stairs. Actually, come to think of it, I have never tripped down these stairs before, ever. This can't be a coincidence, can it? Suddenly I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach and the lump in my throat. Something was wrong.

I sat down on the steps and just stayed there. My body was just frozen in place. I felt it. All those feelings from my dream, I felt them again. I heard the grandfather clock in the hall chime signaling the time. It was 11 o'clock. I just sat there with my head in my hands, waiting.

"Excuse me, Mr. Jackson?" I cringed knowing exactly why she was standing before me, a reason which would lead only to devastation.

"Yes Elsa." I barely managed to choke out.

"You have a phone call sir."


End file.
